IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that the teenagers have lost moral values. What is your opinion?

#people #teenagers #values
There is no denying the fact that moral values are an inextricably linked component of our lives. There are some arguments
about
Change preposition
apply
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that teenagers have already lost their
believes
Replace the word
belief
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 in their lifespan. First and foremost, the reason is teenagers use technology frequently and it is a significant part of their lives. It damages
their
Change the pronoun
them
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 badly.
However
, I
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
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 to believe that we have already some teenagers who have still strong and mighty
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Create a clear and concise structure for your essay. Ideally, start with an introduction that states the main argument, followed by body paragraphs that provide supporting points, and conclude with a summary of your argument. Present each point in a separate paragraph to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Provide specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
task achievement
Ensure your essay is well-focused on the topic by addressing all aspects of the question. Discuss both the perspective that teenagers have lost moral values and the counterargument to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and the main argument. This sets a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant point about the impact of technology on teenagers' moral values. This shows an understanding of contemporary issues affecting moral development.
task achievement
The essay closes with a note of optimism, indicating that some teenagers still have strong moral values. This demonstrates a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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