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Band 6.5

Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #history #waste #time
While
 it is often thought that studying
history
 is a waste of time, other
people
 consider that learning
history
 is indispensable. In my opinion, I believe that the second view is the best. On the one hand, it is often argued that
history
 is a boring topic that focuses on studying ancient information and extinct civilizations.
In other words
,
people
 nowadays do not care about ancient cultures and what happened to them.
Moreover
, some
people
 see that studying
history
 and delving into it is just a waste of time, as there is no benefit from studying old things.
For instance
, many individuals believe that putting effort and deep research into knowing a little of what happened thousands of years ago is trivial and not worth studying for
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but rather thinking about what could happen in the future.
Thus
,
this
 is how most
people
 view the study of
history
 and what happened previously.
On the other hand
, it is commonly believed that studying
history
 is enjoyable and significant to know what happened to previous generations, and I agree.
That is
 to say, it allows them to understand what happened in previous centuries.
According to
 some, studying
history
 is enjoyable because they want to know how previous generations lived in their own communities.
For example
, a majority of
people
 find that reading
history
 and what happened previously,
such
 as wars, stories of heroes, stories of inventions, discoveries, and kingdoms, is enjoyable and fantastic.
Hence
, some
people
 think that studying
history
 is fun and gives more knowledge to the next generation.
To sum up
,
while
 individuals may vary in their opinions, I think the second view is better than the first one.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Try to use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure is clear, adding more linking words and phrases will help in improving the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents a balanced view.
logical structure
Clear paragraphing is used which helps in maintaining a logical structure.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and provides a clear opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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