Some people who have been in prison are the best talk to school students about the danger of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree
Criminals
are the best at talking to schoolchildren
about the risk of committing a crime
. Although
it might be very useful and necessary for schools if criminals
talk with them about the danger of committing crime
, Add an article
a crime
the crime
instead
of them, teachers
should talk with schools about the crime
.
On the one hand, criminals
are the best option for talking to school pupils about the risk of committing crime
. Because criminals
know that committing crime
is very dangerous and very trouble. They understand their mistakes and regret them when they are in prison.They can teach Add an article
a crime
the crime
students
don't
commit Verb problem
not to
crimes
, and they can explain that crimes
are very dangerous and very trouble
. Replace the word
troublesome
Criminals
see the punishment and difficulties in prison. They can share personal experiences about the negative impact of their actions and challenges
they faced when they are back in society. That's why they are best to talk to Correct article usage
the challenges
schoolchildren
about the risk of committing crime
.
From
the other side, Change preposition
On
teachers
should talk and teach to
Change preposition
apply
students
about committing crimes
. Teachers
know very well their students
feelings and their character. Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
Teacherscan
explain very well that Correct your spelling
Teachers can
crimes
are very troublesome and dangerous. Teachers
should talk to schoolchildren
about the importance of honesty. This
is helping students
understand that committing crimes
is very dangerous and troublesome. Students
may have a negative affect
if they talk with Correct your spelling
effect
criminals
.Therefore
,teachers
should talk to schoolchildren
about the danger of committing crime
.
In conclusion, Add an article
a crime
the crime
while
there are reasons why criminals
might be the best people to talk to school students
about the risks of committing crimes
but
it is more good and Correct word choice
apply
effectively
if Change the word
effective
teachers
to
have these conversations. Fix the infinitive
apply
Teachers
can explain and teach very well the reasons not to commit crimes
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument, but the points can be made clearer with more elaboration and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion to make a more compelling and cohesive argument. Both should succinctly summarize the main points and provide a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring paragraphs more logically. Ensure each main idea is supported with specific and relevant examples. This enhances clarity and helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You have made a commendable effort to address both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The essay shows a good attempt at discussing the subject matter, which is relevant and important.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure to your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a separate point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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