IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison are the best talk to school students about the danger of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree

#people #prison #school #students #danger #crime
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Criminals
Use synonyms
 are the best at talking to
schoolchildren
Use synonyms
 about the risk of committing a
crime
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it might be very useful and necessary for schools if
criminals
Use synonyms
 talk with them about the danger of committing
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of them,
teachers
Use synonyms
 should talk with schools about the
crime
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.   On the one hand,
criminals
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 are the best option for talking to school pupils about the risk of committing
crime
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. Because
criminals
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 know that committing
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 is very dangerous and very trouble. They understand their mistakes and regret them when they are in prison.They can teach
students
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don't
Verb problem
not to
show examples
 commit
crimes
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, and they can explain that
crimes
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 are very dangerous and very
trouble
Replace the word
troublesome
show examples
.
Criminals
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 see the punishment and difficulties in prison. They can share personal experiences about the negative impact of their actions and
challenges
Correct article usage
the challenges
show examples
 they faced when they are back in society. That's why they are best to talk to
schoolchildren
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 about the risk of committing
crime
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.  
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side,
teachers
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 should talk and teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 about committing
crimes
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.
Teachers
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 know very well their
Use synonyms
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 feelings and their character.
Teacherscan
Correct your spelling
Teachers can
 explain very well that
crimes
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 are very troublesome and dangerous.
Teachers
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 should talk to
schoolchildren
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 about the importance of honesty.
This
Linking Words
 is helping
students
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 understand that committing
crimes
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 is very dangerous and troublesome.
Students
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 may have a negative
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 if they talk with
criminals
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 should talk to
schoolchildren
Use synonyms
 about the danger of committing
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.   In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are reasons why
criminals
Use synonyms
 might be the best people to talk to school
students
Use synonyms
 about the risks of committing
crimes
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but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is more good and
effectively
Change the word
effective
show examples
 if
teachers
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have these conversations.
Teachers
Use synonyms
 can explain and teach very well the reasons not to commit
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument, but the points can be made clearer with more elaboration and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion to make a more compelling and cohesive argument. Both should succinctly summarize the main points and provide a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring paragraphs more logically. Ensure each main idea is supported with specific and relevant examples. This enhances clarity and helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You have made a commendable effort to address both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The essay shows a good attempt at discussing the subject matter, which is relevant and important.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure to your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a separate point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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