IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, it is believed that the environment has
problems
Use synonyms
 mainly because of the loss of some specific species of animals and plants. Other people are of the view that there are many vital environmental drawbacks. In my opinion, I think indeed there are quite a number of serious and life-threatening
problems
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 in the environment that should be prioritised and looked into.
This
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 essay will discuss both issues. On the one hand, the disappearance of a particular kind of plant or animal is perceived as one of the main
problems
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 environmentally. There are some things that contribute a lot to the economy of a nation and if
such
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 items disappear, it is a disaster for that nation.
For example
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, elephants have been greatly poached in the country of Zimbabwe,
hence
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 their loss. People have been illegally killing elephants because of the tusk which they
then
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 trade illegally in the international market to eventually end up as ivory trinkets.
This
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 trade is mostly driven by the demand for ivory in parts of Asia.
On the other hand
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, nations have many drawbacks that are more vital and life-threatening. I believe life is more delicate than anything else in the world. Moreso, some countries are facing environmental
problems
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 like earthquakes, droughts, floods and diverse sicknesses.
Moreover
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, action should be taken to make sure that life is preserved.
For instance
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, the Ethiopian nation has had a drought issue for some years.
Further
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, so many lives have died because of malnutrition and sickness which were mainly caused by drought. In conclusion, as much as there are
problems
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 caused by some types of plants and animal loss in some states, it is
conversely
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 noted that there are other more natural world pressing issues which are life-threatening like drought and others and need to be prioritised because life is better than all.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a reasonably balanced discussion of both views and provides your own opinion. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that both points of view are equally elaborated with specific examples and deeper insights. Expanding on why some might consider the extinction of species as more important can add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied and sophisticated linking phrases. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, make sure your ideas are logically ordered and clearly related to one another.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion. The points you raised in the body paragraphs are well-supported with relevant examples, especially the case of elephant poaching in Zimbabwe and the drought in Ethiopia.
logical structure
You have structured your essay well, making it easy for the reader to follow your train of thought. Each paragraph addresses distinct points making your arguments clear and understandable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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