IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays a lot of people choose to complete their studies academically in college, others believe there should be motivation for the student to do practical training to increase the number of qualified
workers
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such
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 as electricians and
plumbers
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. I firmly agree with
this
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 statement and in my essay, I will explain the reasons . Vocational training in different fields helps in improving the quality of delivered services .
In other words
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 , practical training equals and completes the missing parts of the academic study because knowledge without experience or training has less effect on work.
Workers
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such
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 as electricians and
plumbers
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 are in high demand because each house needs them.
For example
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, a house with a large number of members and children will always face problems with water in the bathrooms and with electrical tools like TVs, family members need to learn these skills to improve their quality of life.
In addition
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, lack of qualified
workers
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due to
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 lack of training leads the
country
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 or the company to bring
workers
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 from outside .
As a result
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 , economic issues will arise.Employees who come to the
country
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 to work in a field with a limited number of experts will ask for high salaries and accommodation that cause a lot of financial problems and affect the workplace
as well as
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 the
country
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.
For instance
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, in a study conducted in The UK , it was found that the average salary in 2024 for immigrant
plumbers
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 was 7000 pounds without accommodation which caused pressure on the government. In conclusion, practical training should be supported by policymakers and government leaders , as it has a huge impact on the
country
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's economy.
Furthermore
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, families need to focus or take training for household issues, as bringing electricians and
plumbers
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 from outside is time and money-consuming.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences to enhance clarity and structure. For example, instead of 'Vocational training in different fields helps in improving the quality of delivered services,' you could say 'Vocational training enhances the quality of various services provided.'
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis stated in the introduction. This will help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
You've clearly stated your position on the topic and provided examples to support your points, showing a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing the importance of vocational training.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
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