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Band 7.5

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#differences #countries #people #media #advantage #trend
In recent years, some people in most
nations
 have shared the same advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels
due to
 the cultural convergence and the opening market. In
this
 essay, both pros and cons of
this
 phenomenon will be discussed through my personal knowledge and experiences. On the one hand, there are two benefits when many
countries
 have the narrowing of the cultural gap. First of all, the processing of internationalization has introduced developing
nations
 the access to cutting-edge technology.
That is
 the reason why many individuals think that the living conditions are getting better in poor
countries
 thanks to the help from other
nations
.
Secondly
, globalization can provide some multilateral trade agreements which can remove both tariff and non-tariff barriers between parties.
Therefore
,
countries
 in an area can cooperate to boost sales in different
nations
.
For example
, Vietnam has become closely integrated with neighbouring
countries
as a result
 of the establishment of the Association of Southeast Asian
Nations
 in 1995.
On the other hand
, globalization may lead to some drawbacks.
Firstly
, there is a growing concern that a world language might lead to the loss of national identity. Anti-globalization advocates argue that the process would do away with traditional values and distinctive customs of cultures,
hence
 contracting cultural diversity.
Moreover
, intermodulation is an indirect factor in building a connected world in which telecom companies have fallen victim to miscommunication.
As a result
, it is possible to cause
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 economic crisis. In conclusion, there are some disadvantages to
this
 globalization because of the loss of national identity problems.
However
, I think that the advantages brought by
this
 development outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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task achievement
Your essay exhibits a well-rounded response to the topic and covers both the advantages and disadvantages of cultural convergence due to shared media. To further enhance the task response, consider providing more varied and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, at times the transitions between points could be smoother to improve overall cohesion. Try using more cohesive devices and varying your linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of globalization and media convergence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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