IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Goverments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#goverments #money #railways #roads
In contemporary society, there is an ongoing debate regarding whether the regime should spend the amount of money on
railways
 to increase plenty of public
transportation
 in some areas,
while
 others argue that spending on
roads
 does not have many benefits. In
this
 essay, I will explain both of my views on
this
 kind of topic. Nowadays, proponents of adding many
railways
 that it is necessary to widely expand movements by accommodating some of the money from the government. In some developed countries, trains and tramps have been the best public accommodation for ages because there are many good functions from that.
For example
, it has many benefits
such
 as reducing gas emissions by decreasing car usage, the fastest most accessible, and cheapest. In terms of spending more expenses on
railways
,
that is
 the best choice compared to
roads
,
whereas
 some communities believe that there are some places in the village that do not have decent
transportation
 which makes them isolated.
That is
 why the authorities should be more serious about adding more
railways
 because people from suburban cities can access the nearest station and move to another city to city.
On the other hand
, expanding more
roads
 should have more areas which can affect some private landowners who can lead to protests.
Also
,
roads
 ideally need billions of dollars which makes the government search for investors in order to minimise the funds. In
this
 case, some rich communities can easily ride their private
transportation
 which can increase other issues
such
 as high traffic, air pollution, etc.
As a result
, some individuals are considering
this
 problem can lead to many disadvantages in the long term. In my opinion, I agree that spending more dollars on
railways
 has plenty of advantages. it is because these trains and tramps are attributed to the fastest and cheapest
transportation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society which can help some communities to avoid any
further
 social distractions.
To conclude
, I believe that excessive expansion of
railways
 can help humans to access more places in certain areas.
Also
, it proves that adding more trains and tramps can reduce some social troubles in the future
Submitted by wulandarianggieta on

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Task Achievement
Focus on providing more specific examples to support your views. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that all sentences within it support that idea. This helps in creating a more cohesive text.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain consistency in the development of your argument. This includes avoiding contradictory statements and ensuring that your conclusion aligns with the views presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance your use of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and help readers follow your argument more easily.
Overall
Avoid repetition of words or phrases. Employ a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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