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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Sometimes, it is argued that it is beneficial for
people
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 to compete with each other in all aspects of their lives. Others thought that
instead
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 of competing with each other, it can be a better idea to
work
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 together like a
team
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.
While
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 I totally understand the advantages of competition, I believe cooperating with each other can be more beneficial for individuals. On the one hand, many hold the opinion that competing with each other is a good idea compared to working with each other. Sometimes, encouraging
people
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, especially pupils can motivate them to
work
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 more and better, leading them to achieve their goals.
Also
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, in
competitions
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, we can distinguish elite and talented
people
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 from average
people
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 at schools and universities.
Similarly
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,
competitions
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 and matches can be a motivation for employees to
work
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 better and improve their skills. Despite all these advantages, I believe working together has more advantages than working alone to only defeating our competitors in
competitions
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.
On the other hand
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, it is perceived by some that cooperating as a
team
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 can be worth more trying,
instead
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 of competing with each other. I firmly agree with
this
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 notion because of several reasons.
Firstly
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, cooperating can increase performance. When
people
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 in a
team
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 put their knowledge and skills together, they can be more successful at their job, compared to
people
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 who
work
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 alone.
Secondly
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, We can learn from each other and teach each other when we participate in teams.
For instance
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, I remember when I was at university, I had tried too hard to create my own blockchain system for new cryptocurrency. After working for 3 months, I failed. Afterwards, I worked in a
team
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 to achieve my goal and I learned many things from my peers.
Lastly
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, encouraging students in schools to
work
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 as a
team
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 can prepare them for future
work
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, there is no solitary
work
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 in real jobs and individuals should cooperate with each other. In conclusion,
while
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 I acknowledge that there are numerous benefits in
competitions
Use synonyms
, I extremely believe that cooperating with each other is more practical and beneficial.

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task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points, especially when discussing cooperation. This would help to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided a clear opinion, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with separate paragraphs for each main point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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