Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom

this

era, many people believe

parents

should supervise every activity of their

children

however

, some do not have the same opinion. The writer of

this

essay does think that

parents

should not

control

their

children

as they need to be independent and have their own freedom. It can be observed that people believe when

parents

control

their

children

’s activities, they may become more disciplined. To explain

further

, nowadays, there are many temptations

such

as the internet, games, social media,... all of them may make the

children

have bad habits and easily get worse.

Moreover

, in school, there are some individual students, and when the

children

make friends with them, may copy their bad

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

For example

, on TikTok, if the

parents

do not supervise the content they watch

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, they can access many videos about violence, bad ideology, or even limit-age

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

, which may make the

children

change their minds and have an extravagant attitude.

However

, the more strictly

parents

control

their offspring, the more timid they become. It can be said that, when

parents

always force their

children

to do what they want and forbid things they consider dangerous, their

children

will live in a safe zone and never have to deal with any struggles in life, and

then

when they grow up, they will do not have the experience and the hardihood to explore and upgrade themselves.

For instance

, when offspring grow up and go to the company, they will cooperate with many others, if they just tread water in the job, they will not have any opportunities for promotion and there will never be a new step forward in their career. From the writer’s perspective, I disagree with

parents

’ managing each of their

children

's actions as they have to have freedom and when they live under the parent’s

control

, they will have distance from the social.

That is

to say, when they are supervised closely, they will feel separated from those around them and have low self-esteem about their own situation or society will keep them off because they do not want to get in trouble with their

parents

. In conclusion,

although

managing the offspring’s activities may prevent them from temptation, it will make the

children

cowardly and can not grow up themselves.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Fri Mar 01 2024

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task achievement

Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a concise conclusion summarizing your opinion. You've done well in providing an introduction and conclusion, but ensure your opinion is stated clearly in the introduction for a stronger stance.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Although you've structured your essay logically, more sophisticated connectors could enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

While your essay discusses both views effectively, including more specific examples to support your points could strengthen your argument. This also aids in making your ideas clearer and more compelling to the reader.

task achievement

It's important to maintain objectivity and disclose your opinion more biographically, especially in the concluding paragraph. Your conclusion should unequivocally state your stance and succinctly summarise the reasons behind your opinion, drawing from the discussion in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

378 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

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In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Many countries raise fuel prices to deal successfully with problems of traffic and polluon. What effects do you think this move can have? What other measures do you think can be taken to reduce traffic and pollution ?

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for a country, while some think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion.