IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people think that only those people who have worked for a company for many years should be promoted to a higher position. Do you agree?

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There is an opinion that primarily staff members, who have dedicated many years to working for a particular
company
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, should be given executive positions in a
company
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. I disagree with
this
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 viewpoint inasmuch as younger workers may have more skills and if not provided with an opportunity for a promotion, they will become demotivated.
Although
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 senior employees have proven to be more reliable and loyal, more often than not, it is novices who have a wider cluster of relevant skills.
This
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 is because young specialists exert their full effort in mastering their hard and soft skills in order to meet the requirements of today's highly competitive job market.
Therefore
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, having been promoted,
such
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 workers may bring innovation and help to better incorporate the latest technological advances into business processes which is irreplaceable for every
company
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 to flourish.
For example
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, the average age of a new hire at Facebook is only 23, for
this
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 very purpose. Yet, another reason why less experienced staff members should have even chances for a promotion is that
otherwise
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 they will not be motivated to do their best. Knowing that
however
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 hard they try, they will not be given a higher position in a
company
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, young employees will likely grow reluctant to go the extra mile, which may negatively affect a
company
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's revenue and curb its development. To illustrate, a prominent entrepreneur Pavel Durov had to leave his first workplace since despite his outstanding abilities, he was not rewarded with a leading role.
As a result
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, he has successfully set up his own business,
while
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 his employer lost his
company
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due to
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 a lack of highly qualified workers.
To sum up
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, even though individuals who have worked fewer years for a particular
company
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 might be less trustworthy, they should be equally promoted as they have up-to-date knowledge and skill sets.
Besides
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 that,
this
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 will encourage them to apply their abilities to the fullest,
thus
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 contributing to the
company
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’s prosperity.

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Organization
Continue to structure your essays with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This organization significantly aids in readability and coherence.
Use of Examples
Keep up the good work in using specific examples to support your points. Examples from real-life scenarios, companies, or individuals add depth and persuasiveness to your arguments.
Clarity of Ideas
Maintain your practice of developing clear, comprehensive ideas within your paragraphs. This clarity helps the reader understand your viewpoint and the logical progression of your thoughts.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a logically structured argument, enhancing both coherence and cohesion.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, framing your essay effectively.
Use of Examples
Your use of specific examples, such as Facebook and Pavel Durov, significantly strengthens your argument.
Clarity of Ideas
The ideas in your essay are clear and comprehensive, making your argument compelling and easy to follow.
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