Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures.This money should be spent instead on health education.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many
people
say that the distribution of health
spending has aroused public concern. But, some others argue that guiding people
on how to improve their health
is the most prominent. However
, from the point of view of many people
, government investments in medical research bring more benefits to society for the reasons listed below.
To begin
with,the community believe that progress in the field of medical treatment will help people
cope with modern diseases. If an effective cure is found, millions of lives can be saved.
Moreover
, a large spending on upgrading medical facilities might help humans combat potential diseases in the future. In fact, modern people
can lead to a pandemic without the support of the modern medical system.
Furthermore
, At the same time, climate change causes diseases.Damage to the internal body of the skin comes. For
this
reason, the lack of funding for health
exploration could lead to a real pandemic in the coming years.
In addition
, Despite the benefits of upgrading medical facilities, it is essential for the government to spread knowledge and information regarding energy care to the folk. As the world grows, people
's way of life changes as the nation grows, and this
is directly related to health
.For example
, bad practices like consuming fast food, poor postures, drinking alcohol and smoking can lead to serious illness relating to blood pressure and vital organs.
On the other hand
, performing analysis can be costly and it requires a lot of future effort from family.Additionally
,not all experiments can be successful at one day in reality and they are more likely to try trials and errors more than once. Some basic and common problems can be addressed by raising people
's awareness and informing the community about important issues such
as obesity. To overcome this
difficulty, people
need knowledge and knowledge to exercise and reduce the consumption of fast food.
To conclude
, not only do those funds help people
dispose of current disorders but also
fight against potential ones in the future. it is necessary to invest heavily in healthcare.Government investments in medical research bring more benefits to society for the reasons listed below.Submitted by marina.parmenova on
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Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay adheres to the basic structure of an argumentative piece, presenting an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it would be beneficial to establish a clearer stance in the introduction, as the question asks to what extent you agree or disagree. Make sure your thesis statement clearly reflects your position.
Coherence
Your essay lacks transitional phrases and clear topic sentences that guide the reader from one idea to the next. Consider using more cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' and 'On the contrary,' to enhance the logical flow. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that concisely conveys the main point you will discuss.
Main Points Supporting
While your main points are relevant, they are not always fully supported with specific examples or evidence. Offering more detailed illustrations or citing studies and statistics can strengthen your arguments. In IELTS writing, examiners look for a balance between general ideas and the specific details that back them up.
Task Response
You have addressed the task in a general sense without developing a comprehensive argument. The essay requires a balanced discussion of why funds should be allocated to medical technology or health education, along with a clearly expressed personal stance. Provide a more nuanced exploration of the topic to meet the expectations of the task.
Comprehensive Ideas
Use of Examples
The use of examples and evidence in your essay should be directly relevant to the thesis and should serve to advance the argument. Avoid generic or broad statements; instead, opt for specific, real-world instances that have a direct bearing on your discussion. This specificity adds authority to your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.