IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? L

#gyms #lifestyle #popularity #world #l
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Although
 we have a lot of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 complexes in the town,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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citizens lead a physical inactivity habits. The main problem
this
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 is a chronic
diseases
Change the noun form
disease
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 which
a
Add a missing verb
is a
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results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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 of
sedenterism
Correct your spelling
sedentarism
sedentism
 and the most viable solution is a warning people about the dangers. The principle problem associated with chronic illnesses
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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as a consequence
 of hypodynamia.
That is
 to say, a long stay without movements will slow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
blood circulation and it
is leads
Change the verb form
leads
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 to stagnation of blood,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a reason for a lot of problems with health.
For example
,
according to
 WHO obesity from physical inactivity is linked to 30% to 53% of new diabetes cases in the U.S. every year. To tackle
this
 problem
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
tell and explain about complications of unhealthy habits. Clinics can
promoting
Change the verb form
promote
be promoting
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 healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 or use advertising boards in the city Center,
due to
 a person
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 used to moving.
For example
, on the basis of
Bureau
Correct article usage
the Bureau
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 of Labor Statistics, after
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
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 a billboard campaign “
health
Capitalize word
Health
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 is wealth ” health
caring
Replace the word
care
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 developed under 25%. In conclusion, in our modern
society
Add a comma
society,
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 we have everything,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 people haven’t a movement. Everyone should feel responsible for their own lives and begin health
caring
Replace the word
care
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
a healthy
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 nation is
wellness
Correct article usage
a wellness
show examples
 future.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Consider revising sentences for better flow.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and clear. More detailed explanations would help.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly and identifies both problems and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the discussion appropriately.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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