Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? L

Although
we have a lot of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
complexes in the town,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
citizens lead a physical inactivity habits. The main problem
this
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
is a chronic
diseases
Change the noun form
disease
show examples
which
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
of
sedenterism
Correct your spelling
sedentarism
sedentism
and the most viable solution is a warning people about the dangers. The principle problem associated with chronic illnesses
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
as a consequence
of hypodynamia.
That is
to say, a long stay without movements will slow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
blood circulation and it
is leads
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to stagnation of blood,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is a reason for a lot of problems with health.
For example
,
according to
WHO obesity from physical inactivity is linked to 30% to 53% of new diabetes cases in the U.S. every year. To tackle
this
problem
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
tell and explain about complications of unhealthy habits. Clinics can
promoting
Change the verb form
promote
be promoting
show examples
healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
or use advertising boards in the city Center,
due to
a person
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
used to moving.
For example
, on the basis of
Bureau
Correct article usage
the Bureau
show examples
of Labor Statistics, after
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
a billboard campaign “
health
Capitalize word
Health
show examples
is wealth ” health
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
developed under 25%. In conclusion, in our modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
we have everything,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
people haven’t a movement. Everyone should feel responsible for their own lives and begin health
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
a healthy
show examples
nation is
wellness
Correct article usage
a wellness
show examples
 future.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Consider revising sentences for better flow.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and clear. More detailed explanations would help.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly and identifies both problems and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the discussion appropriately.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: