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Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as, teachers and doctors are leaving their own countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes of this problems? What solutions can you suggest?

#professionals #teachers #doctors #countries #work
Nowadays,
tendency
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the tendency
show examples
 of professionals,
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
teachers and doctors
leaving
Change the verb form
to leave
show examples
 their countries to work in more developed ones gained
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
momentum.
This
 means a loss in number of
specialists
 in less developed countries.
This
 essay will discuss the causes of
this
problem
 and suggest a solution. It is obvious that every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 on the earth
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfortable conditions of living,which leads
in
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to
show examples
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
well-paid
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a well-paid
show examples
 job.
This
explain
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explains
show examples
 one of the problems-underpay.
For instance
,
according to
 an article published in BBC in 2018,a survey of
specialists
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specialists'
specialist's
show examples
 salaries all across the world
showing
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 difference in
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 by 165%
of
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for
show examples
 average
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 in well and
less developed
Add a hyphen
less-developed
show examples
 lands
while
 having the same ages of experience.
This
 shows the
underpay
Wrong verb form
underpaying
show examples
 of
specialists
 only because of the country they live in,
consequently
 becoming
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the main reasons for
specialists
 to leave the country they work in currently. To solve
this
problem
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 is recommended to have
a special classes
Correct the article-noun agreement
special classes
a special class
show examples
 for professionals with a
quarantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 of
further
 employment.
For instance
,it is widely known that certain policies adopted by the Indian government
such
 as Youth Job,for its highly educated masses,reduced the negative migration of the nation.At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 governments can offer a contract of work for a certain period of time with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
better conditions than the common form of employment. In conclusion,the
problem
 of brain drain can be easily solved if professionals
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 offered valid conditions in their home country.
As a result
 countries with the negative migration of certain
specialists
 can solve the
problem
addressing
Change preposition
by addressing
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it correctly.
Submitted by mexofors on

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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity. There are several instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
task response
Ensure specific cause-effect links between the problem and the solutions. The essay lacks clear, thorough explanations of how the suggested solutions directly address the issues discussed.
support main points
Use more specific and varied examples to strengthen the argument. Many examples provided were either too general or needed further elaboration.
introduction
The introduction effectively outlines the main issues and sets up the points to be discussed.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s main points and reinforces the solutions suggested.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and attempts to offer relevant solutions.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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