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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries an increasing number of peope are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for goverments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. to what extent do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

#countries #peope #health #food #goverments #tax #disgree
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Obesity has become the most significant illness of
this
 era. Fast food consumption has contributed significantly to its spread. A lot of obesity’s consequences are morbid like heart attacks, strokes and diabetes,
therefore
 serious actions must be taken to tackle the rising number of obese individuals. One of the ways suggested to reduce its rate is to control unhealthy food by increasing taxes.
This
 method has both pros and cons. Making unhealthy options more expensive has important drawbacks.
To begin
 with, imposing more taxes on fast foods will make it difficult for those with low income to find affordable takeout options as items with better nutritional value tend to be more expensive.
In addition
, not everyone has access to healthy options. Some individuals live in areas known as “Food Deserts”. Those are places far from accessible
nutritionally-dense
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nutritionally dense
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 foods or from grocery stores, so increasing taxes on unhealthy meals limits the choices they can enjoy
further
.
However
, raising the prices of unhealthy meals can be a good strategy.
Firstly
, it will discourage people from overconsumption.
This
 will reduce their intake of those items significantly, which will in turn push people towards healthier meals.
Secondly
, money generated from the increased tax can be used to treat current obese people or spread awareness
on
Change preposition
of
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 healthy lifestyles and the importance of maintaining a normal body mass index. All in all, charging a higher tax on fast food has both advantages and disadvantages. It prevents unhealthy
over eating
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overeating
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,
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apply
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 but limits some
peoples
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people's
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 access to edible
recourses
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
.
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task achievement
Try to provide specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing studies or specific statistics can make your reasoning more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion clearly summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs and directly addresses the essay question.
general
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and variations in word choice to enhance clarity and precision.
task achievement
You have provided a clear and complete response to the essay question, considering both pros and cons of imposing a tax on fast food.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains good logical structure and flow, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.
task achievement
Your ideas and arguments are clear and well-comprehensive, which effectively engage the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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