IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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Recently, it seems that the first countries are having bad pollution caused by their numerous energy-producing factories
while
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 the third countries may have better conditions to live in. Some say that it is possible for a nation to have both a good economic state and a clean environment.
However
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, other people disagree with
this
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 statement.
This
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 writing will give a discussion and my opinion on the topic. To start with, economically stable nations tend to possess huge amounts of resources,
hence
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, making them capable of having a clean environment. Big industries that are possessed are making them able to harness a large amount of cash, enabling them to allocate funding to every sector.
For example
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, the USA is currently the biggest and most advanced civilization in the world and they can solve problems related to pollution
due to
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 the abundant funding. In short, being successful in the economy can help make a better place to live in.
On the other hand
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, some other well-developed countries are not placing their own cleanliness as the top priority, causing them to have bad living conditions. If they do not allocate their resources to
this
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, the air will get polluted, the water will get toxic, and the soil will get unfertile.
For instance
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, China has very bad air quality, especially in the industrial area,
although
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 they are said to be an advanced and well-developed nation.
To sum up
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, being titled as an economically stable nation does not mean that they are able to make a comfortable and convenient living place without the proper cash allocation. In conclusion, there can be a clean and advanced country, but it is
also
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 possible that they can only excel in financial part
due to
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 the priority difference on managing their own lands.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacked a clear and logical progression of ideas. It is important to ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next, with each paragraph clearly connected to your thesis. This can be enhanced through the use of cohesive devices and by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
While you presented an introduction and a conclusion, the thesis statement was not clearly defined, and the conclusion lacked a strong final assessment of your opinion. Make sure to clearly state your viewpoint in the introduction and reaffirm it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs included supporting points, but the development of these points was inadequate. Going forward, it's imperative to expand upon your main ideas with detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to support your assertions and to give your arguments more weight.
task achievement
The response did attempt to address the task, however, it did not fully develop a clear response to the prompt nor did it provide a balanced discussion of both views before reaching a personal opinion. This could be improved by more thoroughly explaining each view and directly addressing how they contrast before presenting a nuanced personal stance on the issue.
task achievement
The development of ideas was insufficient and at times unclear. Aim to fully elucidate your points with comprehensive explanations that are directly relevant to the task prompt.
task achievement
The inclusion of relevant and specific examples serves to strengthen arguments and illustrate points clearly. Future essays should incorporate specific, concrete examples to support each viewpoint discussed, ideally drawing on real-world scenarios that relate closely to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economically successful
  • Clean environment
  • Sustainable practices
  • Green technologies
  • Eco-tourism
  • Healthier workforce
  • Healthcare costs
  • Short-term economic growth
  • Profit over environment
  • Heavy industries
  • Developing countries
  • Sacrifice
  • Economic development
  • Transitioning
  • Balance
  • Sustainable development
  • International cooperation
  • Incentivize
  • Eco-friendly business practices
  • Investment in education
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