Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. in many cases, the people being monitores are unaware that it is happening. do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cases #monitores #development

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During the past few years, a witnessed shift towards digitalizing most data-related tasks and live collection of information, whether available online

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

or through cameras installed in public and private spaces. Those advances have some great benefits and concerning drawbacks, but do the benefits of continued monitoring outweigh its negative consequences? The collection and storage of data online has many advantages.

To begin

with, it can prevent cybercrimes. Without the ability to record calls and retrieve online conversations, authorities will not be able to convict anyone guilty of committing crimes online like blackmail.

In addition

, using security cameras can be quite useful for business owners.

For example

, in cases of burglary, footage from visual recordings would be used to identify the individuals involved.

On the other hand

, live tracking has plenty of disadvantages.

Firstly

, and most importantly,

this

technology leads to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of privacy. Every person has the right to privacy and video or audio recordings violate that right.

Secondly

such

measures can affect the freedom of speech and movement. Some governments around the world use information collected online and face-recognition features to control individuals and prevent

then

Correct your spelling

them

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from taking

actions

Fix the agreement mistake

action

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against their policies, which breaches freedom of expression.

Last

but not least, the availability of private data online is dangerous

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

in the case of data leaks. A simple system failure would put millions of people at risk and compromise their safety. In conclusion, advances in tracking technology have pros and cons. It helps combat cybercrimes but it could affect the right to free speech and expression. In my opinion,

this

technology should be used by authorities carefully under strict restrictions to

prevents

Wrong verb form

prevent

show examples

its drawbacks because it has serious consequences.

Submitted by shoshba99 on Fri Jul 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased monitoring through technology. However, to further improve your response, consider making your thesis statement more explicit about your stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

coherence cohesion

Try to enhance the transitions between paragraphs to make the logical flow even more seamless. For example, link the idea of privacy concerns directly to the previous point about security cameras for better fluidity.

task achievement

Include more specific and detailed examples for each point you make. This can help to better illustrate your arguments and make your writing more convincing.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear and well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.

task achievement

The advantages and disadvantages are balanced in terms of discussion, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your language is formally appropriate for an IELTS essay, and your points are clearly stated with minor inaccuracies that do not significantly impede understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. in many cases, the people being monitores are unaware that it is happening. do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Your opinion

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