Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. in many cases, the people being monitores are unaware that it is happening. do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
During the past few years, a witnessed shift towards digitalizing most data-related tasks and live collection of information, whether available online
and
or through cameras installed in public and private spaces. Those advances have some great benefits and concerning drawbacks, but do the benefits of continued monitoring outweigh its negative consequences?
The collection and storage of data online has many advantages. Correct word choice
apply
To begin
with, it can prevent cybercrimes. Without the ability to record calls and retrieve online conversations, authorities will not be able to convict anyone guilty of committing crimes online like blackmail. In addition
, using security cameras can be quite useful for business owners. For example
, in cases of burglary, footage from visual recordings would be used to identify the individuals involved.
On the other hand
, live tracking has plenty of disadvantages. Firstly
, and most importantly, this
technology leads to lack
of privacy. Every person has the right to privacy and video or audio recordings violate that right. Correct article usage
a lack
Secondly
, such
measures can affect the freedom of speech and movement. Some governments around the world use information collected online and face-recognition features to control individuals and prevent then
from taking Correct your spelling
them
actions
against their policies, which breaches freedom of expression. Fix the agreement mistake
action
Last
but not least, the availability of private data online is dangerous especially
in the case of data leaks. A simple system failure would put millions of people at risk and compromise their safety.
In conclusion, advances in tracking technology have pros and cons. It helps combat cybercrimes but it could affect the right to free speech and expression. In my opinion, Add the comma(s)
, especially
this
technology should be used by authorities carefully under strict restrictions to prevents
its drawbacks because it has serious consequences.Wrong verb form
prevent
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased monitoring through technology. However, to further improve your response, consider making your thesis statement more explicit about your stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the transitions between paragraphs to make the logical flow even more seamless. For example, link the idea of privacy concerns directly to the previous point about security cameras for better fluidity.
task achievement
Include more specific and detailed examples for each point you make. This can help to better illustrate your arguments and make your writing more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
The advantages and disadvantages are balanced in terms of discussion, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your language is formally appropriate for an IELTS essay, and your points are clearly stated with minor inaccuracies that do not significantly impede understanding.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?