Topic: Some people think it is more important spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on a treatment for people who are already ill.
Some
people
believe that spending public money on encouraging healthy habits to avoid sickness is more essential than treating people
who are already sick. This
essay agrees with this
statement because we know that making healthy choices can help us feel better and live longer in two practical ways: doing more exercise and building a meal plan suitable to our bodies.
On the one
hand, people
have a different daily life from their ancestors, surrounded by walls and no longer hunter-gatherers. One
of the well-known research projects online, all humans practiced
hunting-gathering until approximately 12000 years ago. That means our body used to practice exercises every day and stay away from a sedentary lifestyle. Change the spelling
practised
In other words
, regular physical is one
of the most important things we can do for our health. Being physically active can improve your brain health, manage weight, reduce the risk of disease, strengthen bones and muscles, and improve your ability to do everyday activities. For example
, we may begin by walking around the neighborhood
, looking at various sports we enjoy, and gradually building an active way of life.
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why medical expenses are so expensive. Government healthcare increased its budget for fatal diseases because the medical treatment fees for a single patient with cancer diseases, like liver or lung cancer, can amount to dozens of millions or billions, meaning a substantial financial burden to the state and the family. In addition
, constructing more hospitals and modern equipment should also
be considered as it is more effective in the short run.
In conclusion, preventing diseases makes more sense than waiting for treatment. Encouraging people
to live healthily is one
of the most essential benefits, and the government's investment in health is also
helping to improve people
's quality of life.Submitted by channguyenhon6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
While the essay provides a logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion, there is room for improvement in paragraphing and linking ideas. Make sure each paragraph presents a separate main point, followed by a clear explanation and example. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Although the response addresses the task prompt, it could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the topic. Aim for a balance in discussing both sides of the argument, and where possible, substantiate your points with more detailed examples. Additionally, ensure each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next point.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
