Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views and give your opinon.

Some
people
would argue that it is a bad thing to keep
animals
in
zoos
,
while
others would say that keeping
animals
in
zoos
is good for entertainment and educational purposes. I believe that
animals
should stay in a wildlife reserve because they can live their lives in the right way. On the one hand, many
people
think that keeping habitats in
zoos
will help to educate students and children about it. Because young
people
will visit
zoos
and they will find many information about each animal.
Thus
,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
learn more about
animals
with entertainment.
For example
, many
people
go to
zoos
to take photos with
animals
such
as hours and sometimes they ride it.
However
, I believe that we can use different methods to educate children and students about
animals
.
On the other hand
, individuals think it is a bad idea to keep
animals
in
zoos
.
This
is against animal rights because they can not live like other
animals
.
In other words
,
animals
in
zoos
stay in close places and
zoos
' staffs bring their food,
this
is opposite to how
animals
used to find their food.
For example
, a recent survey found that the number of
animals
kept in
zoos
increased in the
last
few years and
this
made animal numbers decrease. In my opinion, I believe that
animals
should live normally with their freedom in wildlife rather than keep them in
zoos
. In conclusion,
although
keeping
animals
in
zoos
has an advantage like using them for educational purposes, it is against animal rights because they lose their freedom and only stay in
a close places
Correct the article-noun agreement
close places
a close place
show examples
to let
people
watch them. It is recommended that the government should make rules to limit
people
who use
animals
for
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.
Submitted by sarraadel1551 on

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task achievement
Develop the argument for both sides with more depth and detail. Provide additional points that can support your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and sentences. Use more cohesive devices and transitional phrases to make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all examples are directly relevant to the points being discussed, and try to avoid repeating similar ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points of your argument.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, which is critical in a discussion essay.
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