A large company in your area has decided to spend amount of money,either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts.It has asked for feed back general public. write a letter to the company .in your letter -describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team -summerise the benefits of paying for the concert. -say how you think to send the money

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Dear Sir, I truly appreciate your efforts in allocating funds for social welfare in our area. I am writing

this

Linking Words

letter to express my views on your feedback survey on whether funds should be spent on the concert or

sports

Use synonyms

. It cannot denied that

sports

Use synonyms

play a vital role in physical and career development.

However

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sports

Use synonyms

teams and clubs have been suffering from insufficient funding sources.

Therefore

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, spending on

sports

Use synonyms

comes in handy ways.

Firstly

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sports

Use synonyms

events will encourage talented players to show their

sports

Use synonyms

spirit.

Secondly

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, it will not only help

sports

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clubs to upgrade

sports

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equipment but

also

Linking Words

motivate the masses, especially students to play

sports

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, cultural activities

such

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as live music bring people together and offer enjoyment through different expressions.

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, being a part of local musical concerts indulges a sense of identification among young generations.

Thus

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, they value their culture.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it provides opportunities for navies to show their musical talent.

Although

Linking Words

sports

Use synonyms

and cultural activities have their social value, I recommend that companies spend more funds on

sports

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events. Since people are more influenced by the entertainment industry than

sports

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Therefore

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, industries should focus on

sports

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improvement. Thank you for hearing me out. Regards, Parm

parminderbitti3Fri Jul 26 2024

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task achievement

Your letter effectively introduces the topic and addresses both options. However, you might want to provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments for sponsoring the sports team and holding concerts.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and consider using linking phrases to improve flow between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

While you've done well to use formal language, there are a few minor grammar issues. For example, 'It cannot denied that...' should be 'It cannot be denied that...'. Proofreading for such issues will make your letter even more polished.

greeting and closing

Your greeting and closing are formal and appropriate, which suits the context of the letter well.

task achievement

You've maintained a suitable writing tone throughout the letter, balancing formality with clarity.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

206 words

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