Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #individuals #societies #levels #achievement #merits #relationship #equality #success

There are groups who say members of society succeed in equal conditions whilst other groups indicate that if there is freedom in society

one

can still succeed based on their personal capabilities. In

this

essay, I will discuss why equality is highly important and without it, people's freedom is in jeopardy. On the

one

hand,struggling and having challenges in the community in order to flourish is vital though demanding and energy taking. Meanwhile, some assume that high achievements are still accessible provided that a person owns unique characteristics or talents which make him or her unreachable.

For instance

, they justify that if a person benefits from strong muscles and is well-built in wrestling no

one

can compete even in unequal conditions.

In addition

, in the mentioned situation

one

has to practise more

therefore

, it will increase the chance of achievement.

Overall

, based on

this

idea, everything depends on the person first rather than the community's atmosphere.

On the other hand

, we have to bear in mind that equality in the world is the basic right of people even though history shows it has been scratched so far.

while

I suppose that

one

has to do the best and never give up, equilibrium must be conducted in society in any form to give the space for talented ones to display themselves . By way of illustration, if you own a strong physic but are not allowed in the same condition to compete with your counterpart, how would it be possible to win the game because your rival has already won the game by injustice.

in other words

, the more you try to boost your situation the more opposite power will be driven toward you to defeat you. All in all, equality is a basic necessity for

one

to succeed. In summary, it is understandable by many that

one

has to put more effort into struggling with an unjust atmosphere, but in my opinion, if there is no just going on there will be no same achievements for the same group of public members after all.

Submitted by keyhan454 on Wed Apr 10 2024

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task achievement

Consider clarifying and expanding your examples to better support your viewpoints. Clear, specific examples help to illustrate your points more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Watch for minor grammatical errors and clarity in expression. While small mistakes are permissible, clearer expression can enhance the overall quality of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly sets up the two opposing viewpoints, providing a strong foundation for your discussion.

coherence cohesion

You effectively use a logical structure to organize your essay, making your arguments easy to follow and understand.

task achievement

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the main points of your essay.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

344 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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