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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. to whta extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #life #quality #times #whta
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It is often said there is an improvement in the way
people
Use synonyms
 live in the 21st century from the past. I partially agree with
this
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, for the growing supply of
food
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 resulted from the advancement of technology regardless of the fact that
people
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 are not always happy from the increasing loss of physical contact with other
people
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 in daily life. On one hand,
people
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 have an advanced quality of life as they are able to access abundant sources of
food
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 in modern society.
In other words
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, the expanding agricultural harvests and meat production, which have been achieved by current technologies with sophisticated machines and monitoring systems, have promoted individual health dramatically.
For instance
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, the amount of harvests cultivated in Japan in 2023 has almost doubled from a decade ago.
Consequently
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,
this
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 not only has led to the incredible reduction of poverty but
also
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 the extension of longevity as
people
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 are able to consume more
food
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 of diverse kinds which contain essential minerals and vitamins.
On the other hand
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, the levels of satisfaction and happiness of
people
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 living today tend to decline gradually
due to
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 the disintegrated lifestyle. Indeed, the lack of face-to-face communications brought about by their increasing reliance on electric gadgets makes them more isolated from others.
For example
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, many young
people
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 in Japan spend between 3 and 5 hours using their smartphones in their homes without going anywhere in a day.
Furthermore
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, the declining human contacts often encourage immoral behaviours and unhealthy
such
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 as acting violently and depression, making
people
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 suffer more than in the past when
people
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 felt more blessed by intimate social interactions. In conclusion, I somewhat believe that
people
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 living today have a higher quality of life, especially from the rising
food
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 supply, which makes them more healthy.
However
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, modern development can have a potentially negative effect on them from a psychological perspective.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Task Achievement
Provide a more detailed thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline both sides of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to ensure each idea transitions smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments by elaborating more on both the positive and negative aspects of modern technological advancements.
Task Achievement
Strong and relevant examples are provided to support your points, such as the agricultural advancements in Japan.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective use of an introductory and concluding paragraph helps frame your essay well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • technological innovations
  • life expectancy
  • preventive measures
  • educational opportunities
  • online learning platforms
  • globalization
  • economic conditions
  • social issues
  • gender equality
  • human rights
  • environmental resources
  • climate change
  • leisure activities
  • cultural experiences
  • mental health awareness
  • well-being
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