IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today .

#plans #show #park #first
The maps demonstrate a
park
 when it was
initially
 constructed in 1920 and how it looks today .
Overall
 , it can be seen that the
garden
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 modern including a rose courtyard , a cafe and an
amphitheater
Change the spelling
amphitheatre
show examples
 for ceremonies.
To begin
 with , in 1920, there were two entrances in the
garden
 which are
also
 located
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 place today
in addition
 there is an extra entrance underground the car
park
 . In 1920 , there was a fountain in the centre of the
park
 which is now replaced by a rose
garden
 .
Furthermore
 , there was a pond for water plants in 1920, in the
park
 which has changed recently into a playing area for children.
Moreover
 ,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left side of
Add an article
the fountain
show examples
fountain
Add a comma
fountain,
show examples
 there was a stage for musicians which is now demolished into an amphitheater for concerts .
Additionally
, near the
entrance
Add a comma
entrance,
show examples
 there was a rose
garden
 in 1920 but now there is a cafe for visitors .
Finally
 , the glasshouse has been changed into a water feature area .
Submitted by mianraza686 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and present. You provided an overview but a concluding remark would strengthen the essay.
supported main points
Make sure that all points mentioned in the essay are supported with relevant details and examples. For instance, you could elaborate on how the changes have impacted the usage of the park.
complete response
Your essay covers all the required details effectively, describing the changes in the park from 1920 to today comprehensively.
logical structure
The essay is structured logically, making it easy to follow the changes described.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and well-presented with relevant specifics about the park’s features then and now.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!