In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The population with mental worries are increasing
world wide
. The Correct your spelling
worldwide
resons
could be tensions from Correct your spelling
reasons
work
place as well as
mental worries . These issues
may be managed by creating a better working desipline
and Correct your spelling
discipline
Correct your spelling
practising
practiecing
Correct your spelling
practising exercises
exersises
to calm down the mind and body
Correct your spelling
exercises
Firstly
, in the present era
the prime cause of mental tension is from the Add a comma
era,
work place
. for Correct your spelling
workplace
majority
of the Add an article
the majority
a majority
population
the pressure from Add a comma
population,
work
such
as achieving Add an article
the target
target
is one of the main Fix the agreement mistake
targets
cause
. A Fix the agreement mistake
causes
failiure
to reach the target level Correct your spelling
failure
due to
the present day
Add a hyphen
present-day
compitetions
will make the Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
issues
worse . In addition
to this
, familey
Correct your spelling
family
issues
can also
increase the
mental stress .Correct article usage
apply
For instance
childrens'
education , financial support for the Change noun form
children's
familily
Correct your spelling
family
as well as
disputes in
between spouses . All these Change preposition
apply
accumilating
Correct your spelling
accumulating
issues
leads
to increased mental stress .
An effective way to tackle Change the verb form
lead
this
is , by changing the working atmosphere by creating work
diciplines
either induced by the company itself or by personal Correct your spelling
disciplines
approches
. appointing some Correct your spelling
approaches
councilers
in the Correct your spelling
councillors
work place
will be a reasonable solution . Another way to tackle the issue is by Correct your spelling
workplace
practiecing
Correct your spelling
practising
exersises
to calm down the mind and body . Correct your spelling
exercises
practiecing
yoga should be an option to reduce Correct your spelling
Practising
the
mental stress . Correct article usage
apply
cCrrently
in Correct your spelling
currently
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
the increasing number of these Add a comma
society,
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
Correct your spelling
services
servieces
is a good example Correct your spelling
services
for
Change preposition
of
this
To conclude
, many nations have increasing
number of people with mental worries , probably Correct article usage
an increasing
due to
work
and familiy
related matters . Changing the atmosphere at Correct your spelling
family
work
and practiecing
Correct your spelling
practising
exersises
like yoga will help to tackle Correct your spelling
exercises
this
issue .Submitted by drcamt on
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task achievement
The essay presents relevant points about the causes of increasing stress levels and some suggested solutions. However, these points need to be more thoroughly developed. For instance, provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
There are some grammar and spelling inaccuracies. For instance, 'the resons', 'desipline', 'practiecing', 'compitetions' and 'accumilating'. Reduce errors to improve clarity and flow.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs need clearer topic sentences to enhance your essay's logical flow. For example, 'Firstly, work-related stress is a significant contributor to mental tension' can better introduce your first main point.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion. Words such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'Additionally' can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating words close together. For instance, replace 'practiecing exersises' with 'engaging in physical activities' to add variety and demonstrate vocabulary range.
task achievement
You adequately addressed the task prompt, covering both the causes of mental stress and potential solutions.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to causes and solutions.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as 'childrens' education', effectively illustrates some of the common sources of stress.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.