IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

#countries #people #stress #measures
The population with mental worries is increasing worldwide. The reasons could be tensions from the workplace
as well as
 mental worries . These
issues
 may be managed by creating a better working discipline and practising exercises to calm down the mind and body
Firstly
 , in the present era, the prime cause of mental tension is the workplace. for the majority of the population, the pressure from
work
such
 as achieving a target is one of the main causes . A failure to reach the target level
due to
 the present-day competition will make the
issues
 worse .
In addition
 to
this
 , family
issues
 can
also
 increase mental stress .
For instance
 children’s education , financial support for the family
as well as
 disputes between spouses . All these accumulating
issues
 lead to increased mental stress . An effective way to tackle
this
 is , by changing the working atmosphere by creating
work
 disciplines either induced by the company itself or by personal approaches . appointing some councillors in the workplace will be a reasonable solution . Another way to tackle the issue is by practising exercises to calm down the mind and body . practising yoga should be an option to reduce mental stress . Currently, in society, the increasing number of these types of services is a good example of
this
To conclude
 , many nations have an increasing number of people with mental worries , probably
due to
work
 and family-related matters . Changing the atmosphere at
work
 and participating in exercises like yoga will help to tackle
this
 issue .
Submitted by drcamt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and avoid repetition to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points, providing a clear overview of the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both causes and solutions for the issue of increasing stress levels.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant points and examples which enhance the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: