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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

#countries #people #stress #measures
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The population with mental worries is increasing worldwide. The reasons could be tensions from the workplace
as well as
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 mental worries . These
issues
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 may be managed by creating a better working discipline and practising exercises to calm down the mind and body
Firstly
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 , in the present era, the prime cause of mental tension is the workplace. for the majority of the population, the pressure from
work
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such
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 as achieving a target is one of the main causes . A failure to reach the target level
due to
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 the present-day competition will make the
issues
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 worse .
In addition
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 to
this
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 , family
issues
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 can
also
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 increase mental stress .
For instance
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 children’s education , financial support for the family
as well as
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 disputes between spouses . All these accumulating
issues
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 lead to increased mental stress . An effective way to tackle
this
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 is , by changing the working atmosphere by creating
work
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 disciplines either induced by the company itself or by personal approaches . appointing some councillors in the workplace will be a reasonable solution . Another way to tackle the issue is by practising exercises to calm down the mind and body . practising yoga should be an option to reduce mental stress . Currently, in society, the increasing number of these types of services is a good example of
this
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To conclude
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 , many nations have an increasing number of people with mental worries , probably
due to
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work
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 and family-related matters . Changing the atmosphere at
work
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 and participating in exercises like yoga will help to tackle
this
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 issue .
Submitted by drcamt on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and avoid repetition to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points, providing a clear overview of the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both causes and solutions for the issue of increasing stress levels.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant points and examples which enhance the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
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