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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people wear western clothes rather than their traditional clothes. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Now, there are a lot of
people
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 who wear
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
clothes
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 than their traditional
clothes
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. Obviously, globalization has
influence
Add an article
an influence
show examples
 on it. Sometimes, it is completely fine if
people
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use
Verb problem
wear
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western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
clothes
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 because more suitable and
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
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 to wear. On the other sides, it is important to keep the culture of traditional
clothes
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 still alive among the citizens. Globalization possible
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people
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for people
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 to know the newest collection of
clothes
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. In today's society, they want to look stylish and trendy.
Clothes
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 like suits,
crop-top
Correct your spelling
crop tops
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, short pants, etc are culture from western society. Having said that, they started to leave traditional
clothes
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 to wear daily.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 only wear traditional
clothes
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 on certain ceremonials. Because they think that
traditonal
Correct your spelling
traditional
clothes
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does
Verb problem
are
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 not modern at all.
Therefore
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, they prefer
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use
Verb problem
to wear
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 western
clothes
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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 traditional
clothes
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Unfortunately, it is a negative development since
people
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 forget where they belong. Traditional
clothes
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 can
be represent
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represent
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 how proud the citizens to
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. In the worst case, they do not want anymore to
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use
Verb problem
wear
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 traditional
clothes
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due to
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too
Add a missing verb
being too
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 old.
Instead
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, nowadays, traditional
clothes
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 have been adapted to today's fashion.
For instance
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, batik (traditional
clothes
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 in Indonesia) was made to be more fresh, so
people
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 can wear it
in
Change preposition
on
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 many occasions.
Thus
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,
people
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 do not have to
be worry
Change the verb form
worry
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 if their concern is traditional
clothes
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 not applicable
in
Change preposition
to
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 many events. In conclusion, globalization become
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason why
this
Linking Words
 trend can happen.
People
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 feel more cool to
use
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western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
clothes
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why, it is a bad thing on account of
people
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 not appreciate their own culture.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the central points of the task but could benefit from a more detailed and comprehensive response. For example, consider exploring additional reasons for the shift towards Western clothing and further discussing both positive and negative aspects.
coherence cohesion
While the ideas in your essay are clear, the logical structure can be improved. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, making the argument easier to follow.
general
There were minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing that affected the readability and clarity of your essay. A thorough review and edit for grammatical accuracy would help improve this.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You've provided specific examples to support your points, such as the mention of Batik in Indonesia.
task achievement
The central argument is clear, and the essay stays focused on the topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • modernity
  • versatility
  • practicality
  • Western media
  • fashion industry
  • widespread adoption
  • professional settings
  • preservation
  • cultural diversity
  • cultural integration
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • unique cultural identities
  • expression of individuality
  • innovative
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