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Band 4.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The maps display a public
park
 called Grange
Park
 when it
initially
 opened in 1920, and how it looks now.
Overall
, the
park
 layout has been updated to include modern facilities, which have replaced some natural features. The updates have improved the
park
’s accessibility and functionality. The two entrances on Arnold Avenue and
Eldon
Street
 have remained the same.
However
, the
park
 now has an underground car
park
, and a
right side
Add a hyphen
right-side
show examples
 entrance from
Eldon
Street
 was constructed for car
park
 users. Once inside the
park
 from
Eldon
Street
, the central
feature
 used to be a fountain, which has now been replaced by a rose garden surrounded by seats. To the right of the
Eldon
Street
 entrance, a water
feature
 has been added, taking the place of the previous glasshouse and seating area. A café and children’s play area now occupy the space where the rose garden and water plants’ pond used to be, opposite the water
feature
. The
park
’s left side, which previously housed a stage for musicians, now features an
amphitheater
Change the spelling
amphitheatre
show examples
. The only unchanged
feature
 in
this
 area is the rose garden on the Arnold Avenue side.
Submitted by universe.edge on

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task achievement
Your response to the task is very good. You have included all the important details and changes between the two maps, which shows that you thoroughly understood the requirements. To achieve an even higher score, consider adding a bit more detail about minor changes, if there are any, and connecting them smoothly with the rest of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay logically, and it is easy to follow the changes between the two maps. However, including a more explicit conclusion summarizing the main changes could enhance the coherence further. This will give the essay a more rounded and complete feel.
task achievement
You've done an excellent job of identifying and describing the major changes in the park. The details are specific and well-chosen.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with a clear progression from the entrances through to the changes within the park. This makes it very easy for the reader to understand the modifications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
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