IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of crime How can we deal with those causes

#countries #amount #crime
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Recently, in many
countries
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,
people
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suffer
Wrong verb form
have suffered
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about
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from
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 the subject of
crime
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. Several researchers
prouve
Correct your spelling
prove
 that the amount of
crime
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 is increasing. These researchers explain that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 exist numerous reasons for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. In the
begin
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beginning
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, the international economic crisis was the first cause. Indeed, the major consequence of
this
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 crisis is the higher prices of products and services in many
countries
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.
Then
Linking Words
, the revenue of many
people
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 is not sufficient for baying their products and services for their daily affairs.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the simple way to have money is to be a thief.
Such
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, in many
countries
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, the
percent
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percentage
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 of
thief
Correct your spelling
theft
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 on public transport
is increase
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is increasing
is increased
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in several
countries
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, numerous jobs require a minimum
of
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apply
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educational
level
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. At the same time, the number of
people
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how
Correct word choice
who
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has
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have
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 educational
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 is low.
Such
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, in African
countires
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countries
, many
people
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 don't
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 a job because
the
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their
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 educational
level
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was
Wrong verb form
is
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 low.
Then
Linking Words
, the only way to have money is to
realise
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 a
crime
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
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 politics in many
countries
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 was not efficient and the
percent
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percentage
show examples
 of poor
people
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 increased.
For example
Linking Words
, several governments make foreigners work numerous jobs with low salaries. The local
people
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have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job because
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 refuse to work with the same salary.
Finally
Linking Words
, governments
is
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are
show examples
 obliged to propose
solution
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solutions
show examples
 for
this
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 problem. Indeed, it is important for the
government
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 to participate in the financial cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life.
Such
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, propose specific
subvention
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subventions
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 for some
essentials
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essential
show examples
 products and services.
Besides
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 can propose public
project
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projects
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 and the workers are only local
people
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 in the
countries
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.
Such
Linking Words
,
to build
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as building
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 a hospital or hotel with local support for social communities. In sum, the high
level
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 of amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
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 is the consequence of terrible
action
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actions
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 and
politic
Correct your spelling
politics
show examples
 of
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time.
Submitted by rabebhamdi on

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language
Review grammar and word choice to avoid minor mistakes. For example, 'prouve' should be 'prove', 'it exist' should be 'there are', and 'baying' should be 'buying'.
logic
Clarify and strengthen the connection between ideas and points. The link between the mentioned 'international economic crisis' and crime could be made more explicit with supporting data or concrete examples.
specific examples
Add more specific examples to back up your claims. For instance, referencing a specific African country and providing data on educational levels and unemployment could make your argument stronger.
conclusion
A better conclusion could summarize the mentioned points more effectively and suggest more detailed solutions.
content
The essay attempts to provide a complete response by discussing both causes of crime and potential solutions.
structure
Ideas are presented logically and follow a reasonable structure.
organization
An introduction and a conclusion are clearly present.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
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