In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of crime How can we deal with those causes
Recently, in many
countries
, people
suffer
Wrong verb form
have suffered
about
the subject of Change preposition
from
crime
. Several researchers prouve
that the amount of Correct your spelling
prove
crime
is increasing. These researchers explain that it
exist numerous reasons for Correct pronoun usage
there
this
phenomenon.
In the begin
, the international economic crisis was the first cause. Indeed, the major consequence of Replace the word
beginning
this
crisis is the higher prices of products and services in many countries
. Then
, the revenue of many people
is not sufficient for baying their products and services for their daily affairs. Consequently
, the simple way to have money is to be a thief. Such
, in many countries
, the percent
of Replace the word
percentage
thief
Correct your spelling
theft
crime
on public transport Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
is increase
.
Change the verb form
is increasing
is increased
Secondly
, in several countries
, numerous jobs require a minimum of
educational Change preposition
apply
level
. At the same time, the number of people
how
Correct word choice
who
has
educational Change the verb form
have
level
is low. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
Such
, in African countires
, many Correct your spelling
countries
people
don't found
a job because Wrong verb form
find
the
educational Change the word
their
level
was
low. Wrong verb form
is
Then
, the only way to have money is to realise
a Verb problem
commit
crime
.
Moreover
, the government
politics in many countries
was not efficient and the percent
of poor Replace the word
percentage
people
increased. For example
, several governments make foreigners work numerous jobs with low salaries. The local people
have
not Add a missing verb
do have
the
job because Correct article usage
a
the
refuse to work with the same salary.
Correct your spelling
they
Finally
, governments is
obliged to propose Change the verb form
are
solution
for Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
this
problem. Indeed, it is important for the government
to participate in the financial cost of the
daily life. Correct article usage
apply
Such
, propose specific subvention
for some Fix the agreement mistake
subventions
essentials
products and services.
Change the noun form
essential
Besides
, government
can propose public Add an article
the government
project
and the workers are only local Fix the agreement mistake
projects
people
in the countries
. Such
, to build
a hospital or hotel with local support for social communities.
In sum, the high Change preposition
as building
level
of amount of the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
is the consequence of terrible action
and Fix the agreement mistake
actions
politic
of Correct your spelling
politics
government
and Correct article usage
the government
public
Correct article usage
the public
in
the same time.Change preposition
at
Submitted by rabebhamdi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
language
Review grammar and word choice to avoid minor mistakes. For example, 'prouve' should be 'prove', 'it exist' should be 'there are', and 'baying' should be 'buying'.
logic
Clarify and strengthen the connection between ideas and points. The link between the mentioned 'international economic crisis' and crime could be made more explicit with supporting data or concrete examples.
specific examples
Add more specific examples to back up your claims. For instance, referencing a specific African country and providing data on educational levels and unemployment could make your argument stronger.
conclusion
A better conclusion could summarize the mentioned points more effectively and suggest more detailed solutions.
content
The essay attempts to provide a complete response by discussing both causes of crime and potential solutions.
structure
Ideas are presented logically and follow a reasonable structure.
organization
An introduction and a conclusion are clearly present.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.