Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax-payer #money #healthcare #areas #points

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Recently some people hold the

ideal

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idea

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that

gouvernements

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governments

should invest

tax-payer's

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tax-payers'

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money

in healthcare,

while

others believe that

money

should be used in other areas . As far as I am concerned I am with the

the

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apply

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statement idea I will discuss

bellow

Verb problem

apply

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my reasons

Rephrase

below.

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To begin

one thing for sure is

gouvernements

Correct your spelling

governments

run the country by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

taxes

for

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apply

show examples

that

taxes

are important revenue for

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the gouvernement

show examples

gouvernement

Correct your spelling

government

, and as we all know that

the

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apply

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health care has no revenue or

foundations

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foundation

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depend

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depends

show examples

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the gouvernement

show examples

gouvernement

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government

budget,

on the

contrary

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contrary,

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other areas have own bugets and revenue

for instance

media gain

money

from publicity, sports ares gain

money

from sponsoring and tourists from

taxes

and so on , so it's obvious that healthcare area rely completely on

gouvernements

On the other

hand

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hand,

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others believe that

their

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there

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are other important

ares

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areas

such

education

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as education

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and

scientifics

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scientific

researchers

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research

show examples

thereof

taxes

should be decided equally for every area. In

conclusion

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conclusion,

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while

all areas are important for our

lifes

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lives

gouvernements

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governments

should

used

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use

show examples

taxes

to support every area equally.

Submitted by yas.mer.pharm on Sat Jul 27 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed both points of view and provided your opinion, which is good for task achievement. However, your essay would have been stronger if you had provided more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. Try to include detailed illustrations or factual data where possible.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, but there are a few areas where coherence can be improved. For example, some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt. Aim to use more cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In addition,' to make your writing flow more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the conclusion can be more robust by summarizing the main points discussed. Also, try to avoid repeating phrases like 'as we all know' or 'one thing for sure'. Instead, use more formal expressions.

coherence cohesion

Some of your main points are not well-supported. While you mentioned the revenue streams of media, sports, and tourism, you did not provide enough detail. For instance, how much is healthcare spending compared to these areas? Providing such details would strengthen your argument.

task achievement

You have addressed both points of view in the essay and provided your opinion, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay's introduction and conclusion create a clear framework for your discussion, which helps to set expectations and summarize the main points.

coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates that you understand the importance of coherent structure by organizing your arguments in separate paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

172 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Tax-payer’s money
Healthcare
Long-term costs
Productive workforce
Sick days
Equal access
Essential services
Sectors
Education
Infrastructure
Defense
Development
Security
Knowledgeable population
Innovation
Economic growth
Quality of life
Funding allocation
Comprehensive development

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Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It must be a woman who stays at home to care for children. Men are not suited to this kind of work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Labour-saving devices such as dishwashers and communication tools such as computers are supposed to make our lives easier. However, some people argue that these devices only make them more difficult. Does modern technology reduce or increase stress?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?