Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Recently there has been a rising opinion about increasing screen
time
for kids,
This
should be seen as a negative development; Because it wastes
children
's
time
by reducing
time
value, And how they spend it,
Also
it is very dangerous to their health, And it might cause injuries in many spots in their body , especially their back and eyes. On the one hand, giving
children
smartphones or any other smart device might lead them to spend lots of hours as a consumer, and mostly there is no benefit from the majority of content that they are consuming, adding to that If
children
get used to wasting their
time
on these smart screens they would not know how to prioritise their tasks through the day.
for instance
, A recent study found that 80% of kids who use their smartphones or tablets for more than two hours per day, end up being addicted.
On the other hand
, The position that
children
get in
while
spending a long
time
on their screens without doing any active activity might have a very dangerous effect on their bodies in the future, Specifically their back and shoulders,
Also
their muscles will become very weak, Adding to that, Staring on these smart devices will cause a huge damage on their eyes.
For example
, Recently many paediatricians recognised the increasing number of kid's injuries
due to
using phones and tablets
instead
of playing outside.
To sum up
, The reasons why
children
should not use smartphones for long hours: are the
time
and energy that they are losing and the bad health that they are building through life.
Submitted by tasneematrash3001 on

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Your essay addresses the topic and answers both parts of the question. However, try to develop your arguments a bit more deeply by providing further examples or explanations. This will help improve your overall task response score.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For example, the phrase 'adding to that If children get used to...' could be improved. Pay attention to sentence structures and try to make them clearer and more fluent.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is a bit brief and could be made stronger by summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay covers both parts of the question thoroughly and provides relevant examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the discussion. The conclusion, although brief, is present and completes the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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