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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
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The given bar chart represents the information about global sales of five different notable mobile phone
brands
Use synonyms
 in every other
two-years
Correct your spelling
two-year
show examples
 period, from 2009 to 2013, indicated as thousand
dollars
Use synonyms
 per unit.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly observed that
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 figures from
Samsung
Use synonyms
,
Apple
Use synonyms
, and
Nokia
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 from
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
brands
Use synonyms
 underwent a downward trend.
However
Linking Words
, it is
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to note that the
overall
Linking Words
 revenues from both
Samsung
Use synonyms
 and
Nokia
Use synonyms
 are relatively high throughout the given time frame. Starting in 2009, at around 420,000
dollars
Use synonyms
,
Nokia
Use synonyms
 yielded the greatest profits among all
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four popular
brands
Use synonyms
, followed by
Samsung
Use synonyms
 and LG, at 230,000
dollars
Use synonyms
 and at 130,000
dollars
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, trends of the top two aforementioned
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
 in 2011 can be seen that
Nokia
Use synonyms
 experienced slightly inclined figures
while
Linking Words
 that of
Samsung
Use synonyms
 increased
roughly
Change preposition
by roughly
show examples
 about 100,000 bucks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
mobil
Correct your spelling
mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 purchased from ZTE was twofold that of
Apple
Use synonyms
 in 2009 before overtaking by
Apple
Use synonyms
 in the next two
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. Ending in 2013, at 450,000
dollars
Use synonyms
,
Samsung
Use synonyms
 reached its
peaked
Replace the word
peak
show examples
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 figures which outnumbered its
first rank
Add a hyphen
first-rank
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 rival. The other three
brands
Use synonyms
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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 differently at a gradual rate where both
Apple
Use synonyms
 and ZTE
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 rising,
LG
Correct word choice
and LG
show examples
 demand slowly dropping.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words brands, dollars, samsung, apple, nokia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
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