The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

#sales #five #phone #brands

The given bar chart represents the information about global sales of five different notable mobile phone

brands

in every other

two-years

Correct your spelling

two-year

show examples

period, from 2009 to 2013, indicated as thousand

dollars

per unit.

Overall

, it can clearly observed that

Correct article usage

the

show examples

average

sale

Fix the agreement mistake

sales

show examples

figures from

Samsung

Apple

, and

Nokia

experienced an upward trend,

whereas

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

from

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

two

brands

underwent a downward trend.

However

, it is

intersting

Correct your spelling

interesting

to note that the

overall

revenues from both

Samsung

and

Nokia

are relatively high throughout the given time frame. Starting in 2009, at around 420,000

dollars

Nokia

yielded the greatest profits among all

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

four popular

brands

, followed by

Samsung

and LG, at 230,000

dollars

and at 130,000

dollars

, respectively.

Similarly

, trends of the top two aforementioned

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

in 2011 can be seen that

Nokia

experienced slightly inclined figures

while

that of

Samsung

increased

roughly

Change preposition

by roughly

show examples

about 100,000 bucks.

On the other hand

, the number of

mobil

Correct your spelling

mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

purchased from ZTE was twofold that of

Apple

in 2009 before overtaking by

Apple

in the next two

year

Fix the agreement mistake

years

show examples

. Ending in 2013, at 450,000

dollars

Samsung

reached its

peaked

Replace the word

peak

show examples

sale

Fix the agreement mistake

sales

show examples

figures which outnumbered its

first rank

Add a hyphen

first-rank

show examples

rival. The other three

brands

grow

Wrong verb form

grew

show examples

differently at a gradual rate where both

Apple

and ZTE

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

rising,

Correct word choice

and LG

show examples

demand slowly dropping.

Submitted by kamonluck1999 on Sun Jul 28 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words brands, dollars, samsung, apple, nokia with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

210 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Global sales
Mobile phone brands
Market share
Trends
Growth
Decline
Technological advancements
Innovation
Consumer preferences
Demographics
Market dominance
Brand loyalty
Comparative analysis
Sales figures
Data interpretation

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The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy foods more. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, governments encourage businesses to move outside of the cities to solve the problems of housing and transport in the cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this policy?

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people says trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be built instead. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?