IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #art #subjects #school #students
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Some people argue that high
school
 students should not be forced to attend
art
 classes,
such
 as painting or drawing.
Although
 these areas of study can benefit students’ development, I do not agree with the idea of making them required
courses
. On the one hand, I accept that
art
courses
 could be offered as optional, which can enhance students’ appreciation of beauty.
However
, these fields do not significantly improve their understanding of the world or develop the practical skills needed for future societal success, as science
courses
 do.
Furthermore
,
art
 can be a personal interest, and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those with a strong talent,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can choose to explore and develop
this
 passion. In
such
 cases,
art
 becomes more than just a course; it transforms into a career to pursue.
Additionally
, many famous artists were self-taught and created masterpieces through their own study and exploration.
On the other hand
, students should focus on core disciplines,
such
 as math and language, during their limited time in high
school
. These studies enhance their academic abilities across various areas of life. From a personal perspective, science and language
courses
 provide more opportunities for college admission and career prospects, leading to better job opportunities, higher salaries, and an improved quality of life.
Conversely
,
art
 does not guarantee these outcomes with the same likelihood.
Moreover
, from a societal perspective, limited resources should be allocated wisely.
While
 math and language should be mandatory, other areas of study should be optional based on students’ interests and talents. Critical thinking, technical, and practical skills are all essential for society. In conclusion,
although
art
courses
 are beneficial for high
school
 students’ development, I firmly believe that they should not be mandatory in high
school
.
Submitted by mikezhao223 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal stance. However, more specific examples could strengthen your argument. Including real-life instances or statistical data could provide convincing evidence.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more cohesive devices to ensure fluidity between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear framework for your essay. This makes your stance easily understandable to the reader.
task achievement
You have successfully supported your main points with solid arguments, showing a good understanding of both sides of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • emotional intelligence
  • express themselves
  • compulsory
  • hidden talents
  • detract
  • core subjects
  • inclination
  • stressful
  • unproductive
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • universal appeal
  • cultural education
  • diverse backgrounds
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • quality
  • creativity
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