IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. to whta extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #life #quality #times #whta
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In the era of globalization, technology and the enhancement of healthcare made our life quality improved than past.
However
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, there is a debate about
this
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 statement. I have a balanced view of
this
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 argument. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on my point of view. On the one hand, technology plays a critical role in transforming our lives. It helped us to move swiftly and without struggling during travelling.
Moreover
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, The healthcare system changed. New vaccines and antibiotics were raised. These medications assisted us in ameliorating our immunity.
For instance
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, Every newborn obtaining a vaccine.
This
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 vaccine protects them from poliomyelitis.
In addition
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, the
food
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 now is preserved in better conditions likely in fridges. The cooking system
also
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 changed. New ovens released which can cook well and eradicate any poisons or any source of infection.
On the other hand
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, the air now is polluted with gases. We can not sniff fresh air
due to
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 the gas emissions from cars and factories.
For example
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, a new study from Chigaco Univesity convinced that the percentage of oxygen in the air now is mitigated
due to
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 these emissions.
Furthermore
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, new substances are integrated with
food
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such
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 as
,
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apply
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 artificial colours and preservatives. These harm our digestive system. One of the skyrocketed trends is the junk
food
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. It is contaminated we preservatives and unhealthy fats. In conclusion, we should alleviate the usage of fast foods and
food
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 contaminated with preservatives. The government should play a more vibrant role in increasing the citizen's awareness of these hazards and expounding their consequences.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure within the paragraphs. For example, it would be useful to clearly separate the positive and negative aspects of modern life and link them coherently to the thesis statement.
task achievement
Provide more clear and comprehensive ideas. The points made in the essay are valid but could be expanded with deeper analysis and explanation. Try to provide more specific reasoning and connections between points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear beginning and ending to the discussion. This helps in presenting the argument in a structured manner.
task achievement
The essay addresses both aspects of the question—advantages and disadvantages of living in the 21st century—ensuring a balanced view. This fulfills the task requirements effectively.
task achievement
Examples, such as the vaccination of newborns and the study from the University of Chicago, add relevance and specificity to your points, strengthening the essay’s argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • technological innovations
  • life expectancy
  • preventive measures
  • educational opportunities
  • online learning platforms
  • globalization
  • economic conditions
  • social issues
  • gender equality
  • human rights
  • environmental resources
  • climate change
  • leisure activities
  • cultural experiences
  • mental health awareness
  • well-being
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