IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious problems and uses up the world's fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #air #travel #world #fuel #resources
Consequently
,some
people
 believe that
ait
Correct your spelling
air
show examples
travel
 should be restricted because it causes serious problems and uses up the
worlds
Change noun form
world's
show examples
fuel
 resources. In general, in
this
 essay I want to
eхplane
Correct your spelling
explain
 my opinion and what opinion
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
I agree
and
Change preposition
with and
show examples
 disagree
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
Firstly
, I want to say that I disagree with
this
 opinion.I think that
air
traveling its
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
does not cause serious problems because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 the safest transport in the world .Yes ,a lot of
fuel
Add a missing verb
is uses
show examples
uses
Replace the word
used
show examples
 but safety
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 some investment. if we restrict
air
traveling
Replace the word
travel
show examples
 and because of that
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
would be more and more
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 because more
people
 would
travel
 by car because it is
cheepier
Correct your spelling
cheaper
 than
train
Add an article
the train
a train
show examples
, so car accidents
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more
.
Correct word choice
common.
show examples
 The second reason why
air
traveling
Replace the word
travel
show examples
 should not be restricted is because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 really fast.
For example
 :
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 want to visit Georgia and from Russia if you
travel
 by car it would take 2 days maximum and if you
travel
 by plane
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will take only 2 hours. and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
really
Correct article usage
a really
show examples
 serious reason because
people
 want to take minimum time for
this
 and the other countries do not have so fast trains like in Japan or so big train system like in Russia because of that
people
 should
travel
 by plane. In conclusion,I think that there are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 global reasons why we need to restrict
air
travel
 because it
safest
Add a missing verb
is safest
show examples
 and fastest than a lot of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 And I think a lot of problems with
fuel
 can be solved in future
for example
 more and more transport
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 like Tesla and they won't need
fuel
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task response
You need to make your introduction clearer by directly stating your position on restricting air travel and briefly previewing the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow.
task response
Some points in your essay are not well-supported with specific examples. Try to include more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'ait' instead of 'air' and 'cheepier' instead of 'cheaper'. These can affect the overall readability.
task response
You have provided a clear stance on the topic, which helps in task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which is good for coherence.
task response
The essay presents relevant ideas and arguments about the advantages of air travel, such as safety and speed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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