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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded to the internet

#books #internet
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Nowadays, it is a controversial issue that almost all
information
 is stored online rather than in physical books, as it was in the past. From my point of view, the benefits can exceed the drawbacks in the long term.
To begin
 with, there are numerous reasons why using online services has more positive aspects.
Initially
, it is remarkably convenient, and you can find them almost everywhere. Because of that, everyone can use these facilities in order to gain new knowledge, or they can utilize them for their personal development.
Furthermore
, if we spread useful
information
 very rapidly, people can be informed about it without reading dozens of pages like they used to.
Hence
, one of the primary advantages of exploiting online research engines is that they are universally accessible.
However
, storing
information
 online encourages a dependence on computer technology, which has detrimental effects on the human mind. Previously, people who wanted to research a specific topic had to look for several necessary pieces of evidence so as to elaborate their presentation clearly, but
this
 process was too time-consuming.
Nonetheless
, finding these testimonies demanded conscientiousness and reading so many academic journals.
For
this
 reason, humans in the past had reading habits that we face rarely these days.
In addition
, people should create an environment for themselves to allocate their time to reading books
instead
 of wasting countless hours on online gadgets. In a nutshell, we should accomplish that in order to avoid a reduction in healthy habits
such
 as reading every day or spending quality time with family. In conclusion,
although
 stored
information
 has its obvious conveniences, its drawbacks outweigh the ongoing advancements.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider providing more specific examples to support your points. Examples help in illustrating your arguments more vividly and can make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader and to make your logical progression clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of storing information online.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratization, accessibility, socioeconomic barriers, dissemination, real-time, misinformation, misleading, necessitating, over-reliance, traditional knowledge sources, collaborative learning, interactive, engaging educational experience
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