People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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These days, most
people
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are not taking
care
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of their own
health
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,
such
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as by eating poorly or living harmful lifestyles. Some
people
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think that the government should require
such
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people
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to pay more for their own
health
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care
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. I personally and completely disagree with
this
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perspective. On the one hand, poor
health
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habits are the primary cause of a variety of illnesses, and they are extremely harmful to the human body, including the
brain
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, heart, skin, etc.
For example
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, statistics show that there is a huge difference between
people
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who eat breakfast and those who do not
,
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apply
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because the human body needs energy for the whole day.
Thus
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, breakfast helps the
brain
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by supplying it with energy.
As a consequence
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, mornings have many benefits for
people
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’s
health
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.
Secondly
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, adequate sleep plays a vital role in
health
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and well-being, and it is essential for both mental and physical
health
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. Lack of sleep is
also
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a part of an unhealthy lifestyle.
For instance
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, professors and doctors have said that if a person does not sleep well—less than 7–8 hours—the
brain
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erases some memories on its own and cannot remember information well.
In addition
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, an inactive
brain
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does not accept new information effectively.
However
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,
although
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health
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care
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is important for
people
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, some
people
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do not agree with
this
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view.
Firstly
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, the penalty for poor
health
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habits is not affordable for some
people
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because of poverty.
This
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is because maintaining good
health
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requires many things,
such
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as quality food, expensive creams, and others. To illustrate, if there is a female in any household, expensive make-up products and skin-
care
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creams are needed for her, and
thus
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, it is a huge financial burden.
Nevertheless
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, if they do not
care
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for their
health
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, they may be required to pay more.
Therefore
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, the government should free them from excessive financial demands, even if their lifestyle is harmful to their
health
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. In summary, there are many possible benefits of paying fines for poor
health
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, but I completely disagree with
this
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statement because of the financial problems that many
people
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face.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, but you could strengthen it by briefly mentioning the reasons for your disagreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your paragraphs are generally well-structured, adding clear topic sentences and transitions could help improve the flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Some points could be explained in more detail to enhance clarity. For example, offering specific examples on how poverty affects people's ability to maintain health could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear disagreement with the statement, making your position evident from the start.
Task Achievement
The examples provided demonstrate an understanding of the topic and relate well to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • burden
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • personal responsibility
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • ethical considerations
  • penalizing
  • discrimination
  • socio-economic groups
  • deterrent
  • health education
  • financial penalties
  • health inequalities
  • access to healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health goals
  • promoting healthy lifestyles
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