IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The idea that, besides making profits, enterprises need to have public responsibilities remains a source of controversy

The idea that,
besides
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 making profits, enterprises need to have public responsibilities remains a source of controversy. In my opinion,
while
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 generating earnings is the top priority of companies, I agree that they should conduct their businesses in a socially responsible manner.
Firstly
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, the effort of companies to make money can benefit the whole society. The higher the profits earned by enterprises, the more taxes they have to pay.
As a result
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, authorities can have more financial resources to support key fields
such
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 as health care and education, which elevate the quality of life of the whole community.
Moreover
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, the more earnings they make, the more necessary for them to grow their businesses.
Consequently
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, they will need to hire more employees, which can help people have jobs and reduce the situation of poverty in society.
Secondly
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, there are strong reasons why enterprises should have responsibilities to the community. The first reason is that their activities can have a negative impact on the environment. Without controls, production processes may result in serious environmental degradation
such
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 as global warming stemming from factory emissions or the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. The second reason is that by taking responsibility with the community, not only do they show care for people
around
Correct pronoun usage
around them
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, but they can
also
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 improve their companies’ image.
For example
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, a company doing charity
Change preposition
in at
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at
Correct your spelling
an
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 undeveloped province can help people dealing with the struggle. It can
also
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 make the company be loved more by the public. In conclusion,
although
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 I recognize that making profits is the fundamental principle of companies, I would argue that all businesses should reflect upon their social responsibilities.

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relevant specific examples
Try to include more diverse specific examples to support your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Provide more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
logical structure
Main ideas are logically structured, contributing to a smooth flow of information.
supported main points
The arguments are well-supported with reasoning regarding the benefits to society and environmental responsibilities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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