Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?h
The violence become widespread in many parts of the world, Thu a lot of people think that the main reason is international sport of martial
arts
. I partially agree with this
view, especially among children. In
Change preposition
This
this
essay will debate the side effects of material arts
adding, the advantages.
To begin
with boxing sports on TV, and the impacted domain on children. A child has underlying energy, fortheremore
they are doing any action to dispose Correct your spelling
furthermore
from
their power. In Change the preposition
of
Add a comma
additional,
additional
they do not have an integral awareness to Replace the word
addition
cotrol
their reaction and differentiate the truth from the error, so they conflict who are weaker than them. Correct your spelling
control
For instance
, some young make
surveys Verb problem
people conduct
on
Iraqi schools and the result of Change preposition
in
this
statistic, the bad boys used to watch boxing sport on TV. Moreover
, this
sport undergoes the players for psychological impact, adding the body hurt.
However
, we cannot forgit
Correct your spelling
forget
the
martial Correct determiner usage
that
arts
Add a missing verb
is considere
considere
the most significant method to learn Correct your spelling
considered
consider
protect
yourself and conflict Fix the infinitive
to protect
the
aims Change preposition
with the
especially
for girls. Add the comma(s)
, especially
For example
, when solely girl travels and undergoes for fight
, in Add an article
a fight
the fight
this
moment should encaounter
and save herself and save herself.
Correct your spelling
encounter
Finally
, from my perspective, although
the
boxing and Correct article usage
apply
fight
sports are important and apparent Replace the word
fighting
the
special Correct article usage
apply
skill
for Fix the agreement mistake
skills
smoe
people, and there are Correct your spelling
some
Correct determiner usage
those whom
whom
Change the pronoun
who
following
Wrong verb form
follow
it
, I prefer to relay these Correct pronoun usage
them
art
as a way to save yourself not for playing and Fix the agreement mistake
arts
display
on Wrong verb form
displaying
TV
screen. Add an article
the TV
a TV
Furthermore
, make fight arts
like a lesson and taught in the school, else establish institutes for Add an article
the same
same
reason to create a strong generationCorrect your spelling
some
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introduction
Your essay has a clear structure, but there are some areas that need improvement. Ensure your introduction clearly states your position. The current introduction lacks clarity and needs to better outline what the essay will cover.
paragraphs
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that this idea is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. Some paragraphs include multiple ideas which disrupt the flow of your essay.
language
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. This will help make your essay more interesting and demonstrate your English proficiency.
proofreading
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to incorrect word usage.
conclusion
In your conclusion, summarize the main points of your essay and restate your position clearly. Your conclusion is currently a bit unclear and could be stronger in summarizing your arguments.
content
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced view.
examples
You have included some relevant examples to support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.