IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Healthcare should always be funded by governments, and it should always be free for people to use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#healthcare #governments #people #idea
Over the
last
 few decades, it has been a subjective matter whether the
government
 should take on the funding of public healthcare or not. Many
people
 argue that health services should be completely free for the public as the state is in charge of guaranteeing
people
’s good health condition and taxes gathered from citizens should pay off. I partially agree with
this
 idea and think that even if fees will serve
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 enhancement of facilities and quality of service which
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 provide, making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine free helps to maintain the balance and inhibits discrimination within society. On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that in order to sustain modern challenges and combat
high-risky
Correct your spelling
high-risk
show examples
 diseases, clinics should be equipped with the latest technologies. In
this
 way, fares come from patients, which would help a lot as up-to-date machines cost a fortune.
In addition
, the annual renovation of buildings, construction of new clinics, or providing medical staff with
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
also
 require high funds.
Thus
, enacting the fee-paying system in medicine would be in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of both
government
 and civilians.
On the other hand
,
people
 have solid reasons to require free medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
. It is true that
people
 do pay taxes per annum, and they have a right to call for healthcare
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 good quality since taxes are paid by citizens and embody a whole budget. From the
legislation
Replace the word
legislative
show examples
 side, the purpose of taxation is to provide public service in response to public trust and money.
For instance
, the 146
state
Change to a plural noun
states
show examples
 out of 193 members of the UN have enacted free medicine, and it would be impractical to demand money from
people
 to get access to treatment.
In addition
, implementing free check-ups is important from
moral
Correct article usage
a moral
show examples
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
, too. To explain, by
this
 phenomenon, all
people
 will receive the same way of treatment regardless of him or her public status. Even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 with low income can go to the same clinic
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 rich
people
, and poverty would no longer be a barrier to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 healthy.
To conclude
,
although
 payments could be
basis
Add an article
the basis
a basis
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
 of facilities, from my standpoint, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 duty of the
government
 to provide free medical services
due to
 the moral and legal aspects.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear response to the task. However, some areas need more detailed examples or further elaboration to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions between ideas can be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear stance and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced perspective and adequately discusses both sides of the argument, which enhances the task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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