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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether the responsibility of promoting a healthy diet depends on
parents
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 or
schools
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.
While
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schools
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 can influence
children
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's eating attitudes through education and meal programs,
parents
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 play a critical role in shaping long-term dietary behaviour at home. On the one hand, many people argue that
schools
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 should take the lead in encouraging healthy eating
habits
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.
This
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 is because
children
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 spend a large portion of their day at school, and
schools
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 can create a structured environment where nutritious food
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 offered.
For example
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,
schools
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 can provide vegetables and fruits in canteens and restrict the sale of junk food.
Furthermore
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, they can implement health education into the curriculum, helping students understand the importance of a healthy diet.
Therefore
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, by creating a healthy food environment and offering educational programs,
schools
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 can play a significant role in shaping
children
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's eating
habits
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that it is primarily the parent’s responsibility to teach their
children
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 about healthy eating. They believe that
parents
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 have a stronger influence on a child’s behaviour and are the ones who cook dishes at home.
For instance
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,
children
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 who are introduced to home-cooked meals and fruits from an early age are more likely to continue these
habits
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 lifespan.
Moreover
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, healthy eating
habits
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 require consistency beyond school hours,
such
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 as during weekends or holidays, which can only be managed by
parents
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.
Therefore
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, parental guidance and examples are crucial in developing long-term dietary acts. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
schools
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 can educate and provide healthy meals during school hours,
parents
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also
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 play a vital role in shaping their
children
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’s long-term eating behaviours. In my opinion, both
schools
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 and
parents
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 share the responsibility of promoting healthy eating, a combined approach from both sides is essential to ensure that
children
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 grow up with a balanced and nutritious diet.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by offering specific examples for both sides equally. While the points made are clear, adding more details about how schools influence children through specific educational programs could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words or phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. While the structure is clear, more cohesive devices can enhance coherence, especially in transitions between the two sides of the argument.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and providing a personal opinion at the end.
content
The points made about the influence of both schools and parents are relevant and demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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