IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities #information #feautures #comparison
The given line graph and the table chart illustrate the average monthly temperatures and the number of
hours
 of sunshine per
year
 in different cities.
Overall
, New York has the highest
temperature
 amongst the other major cities, hitting its peak in July with almost 30
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
 and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the
temperature
 starts to fluctuate.
While
 Sidney
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the highest temperatures in the winter season and the lowest in the summer season as in July the data displayed hitting almost 15
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
.
Whereas
, London's
temperature
 stayed static in the class except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 summer season
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 the temperatures increased. New York not only has the highest
temperature
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the most
hours
 of sunshine having 2,535
hours
 of daylight in a
year
,
while
 London
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the least
hours
 of sunshine as the city only has 1,180
hours
 per total
year
.
Whereas
, Sidney is close to New York in the number of
hours
 of
sunshines
Change the wording
sunshine
rays of sunshine
bursts of sunshine
show examples
 having 2,473 per
year
.
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, year, temperature with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!