Some people think that success in life comes from hard working and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, there has been a debate over the topic of
success
and if
the Correct word choice
whether
appearance
of it in our lives comes from hard work
and determination or due to
other factors like money
. I believe that success
can be gain
only by hard Change the form of the verb
gained
work
and self discipline
. In Add a hyphen
self-discipline
this
essay, I will discuss both sides of the statement given.
Firstly
, people who have achieved to be
the best in their department confess in interviews the key points of their Change the verb form
being
success
, one of them being hard work
, followed by self motivation
that everything they dreamed about would Add a hyphen
self-motivation
became
reality in one day. Change the verb form
become
For example
, one of the most successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
business women
in my country stated that the most important step to achieve Correct your spelling
businesswomen
success
in everything you want is to believe in yourself and in your own strenght
and Correct your spelling
strength
also
self discipline plays a crucial role in gaining success
. As a result
, each day of hard working
makes you come close to achieving Replace the word
work
success
in your life.
On the other hand
, folks consider that money
and appearance
helps
you to achieve Change the verb form
help
success
, for them
the idea of having Add a comma
them,
money
can make you instantly successfull
as you can buy your way to it. Correct your spelling
successful
For instance
, folks from high society consider themselves superior to the middle class
folks, no matter how Add a hyphen
middle-class
much
hard they Correct quantifier usage
apply
work
, as they do not display the money
or the rich appearance
they have. I Correct your spelling
disagree
dissagree
with Correct your spelling
disagree
this
statement as everybody can reach success
as long as their
Correct pronoun usage
they
working honest
for it,
In conclusion, society should not judge someone because of their lack of Replace the word
work honestly
money
and appearance
, everybody can achieve success
no matter where are they coming from as long as they are determinated
and working hard to achieve, might not be an easy path, Correct your spelling
determined
that
Correct word choice
but that
why
not all people can achieve Add a missing verb
is why
success
in their lives.Submitted by annaungureanu794 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides your opinion, which is good. However, you could improve the depth of your discussion on each side. Try to include more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents a single, well-developed idea. While your paragraphs are relevant to the topic, some of them could benefit from further structural refinement. For instance, the flow between the points in the second body paragraph could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well. This helps in maintaining a coherent structure throughout the text.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example to illustrate the view that hard work and determination lead to success. This adds depth to your argument.