All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adult. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

Nowadays, there is an increasing problem with obesity around the world. The reason
of
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for
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this
is the
high calorie
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high-calorie
show examples
includings
Correct your spelling
including
in the food.
This
issue can be solved by propagandizing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
healthy lifestyle.
To begin
with, big corporations, nowadays, are likely to add certain unhealthy, but cheap ingredients to their production,
such
as
sugar
, in order to reduce the
expences
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expenses
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on
the
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apply
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manufacturing to develop their income.
Hence
, consumers are suffering from
such
products, which causes obesity and other issues.
For example
,
according to
a recent study, almost all done products
on
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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supermarkets are overloaded
by
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with
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sugar
in
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apply
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them
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apply
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, compared to the past, when
amount
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the amount
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of
sugar
in food was significantly less.
Nevertheless
,
this
growing trend can be tackled by promoting another trend, that inspires individuals to start
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
lifestyle.
In other words
,
popularised
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a popularised
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lifestyle would encourage the
mass
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masses
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to do some beneficial activities like visiting a gym, going
to
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apply
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the
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apply
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swimming and other types of
sport
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sports
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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to keep fit. To illustrate, some
sport
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sports
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residences can make
a bonuses
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a bonus
bonuses
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to the people who actively attend their trainings, or create
an interesting advertisements
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interesting advertisements
an interesting advertisement
show examples
on popular platforms
such
as
instagram
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Instagram
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or
tik tok
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TikTok
.
Therefore
, obesity
level
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levels
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on
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in
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the world would be decreased as
sport
get
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gets
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viral.
To conclude
,
although
large companies are making the products more dangerous
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
extra
sugar
, that leads to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
with overweight.
This
triuble
Correct your spelling
trouble
can be solved by popularised
sport
that inspires people to be fit.
Submitted by hhaha9102 on

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language use
Focus on using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your arguments more compelling and nuanced.
supporting points
Elaborate further on your points with additional examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
grammar vocabulary
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be corrected to improve readability.
structure
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The topic is clearly understood, and the response includes relevant ideas to address the issue of obesity.
cohesion
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow for the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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