All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adult. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?
Nowadays, there is an increasing problem with obesity around the world. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
this
is the Linking Words
high calorie
Add a hyphen
high-calorie
includings
in the food. Correct your spelling
including
This
issue can be solved by propagandizing Linking Words
the
healthy lifestyle.
Correct article usage
a
To begin
with, big corporations, nowadays, are likely to add certain unhealthy, but cheap ingredients to their production, Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
sugar
, in order to reduce the Use synonyms
expences
on Correct your spelling
expenses
the
manufacturing to develop their income. Correct article usage
apply
Hence
, consumers are suffering from Linking Words
such
products, which causes obesity and other issues. Linking Words
For example
, Linking Words
according to
a recent study, almost all done products Linking Words
on
Change preposition
in
the
supermarkets are overloaded Correct article usage
apply
by
Change preposition
with
sugar
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
them
, compared to the past, when Correct pronoun usage
apply
amount
of Add an article
the amount
sugar
in food was significantly less.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
this
growing trend can be tackled by promoting another trend, that inspires individuals to start Linking Words
healthy
lifestyle. Add an article
a healthy
In other words
, Linking Words
popularised
lifestyle would encourage the Correct article usage
a popularised
mass
to do some beneficial activities like visiting a gym, going Fix the agreement mistake
masses
to
Change preposition
apply
the
swimming and other types of Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
sport
, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
helps
to keep fit. To illustrate, some Correct subject-verb agreement
help
Use synonyms
sport
residences can make Change the noun form
sports
a bonuses
to the people who actively attend their trainings, or create Correct the article-noun agreement
a bonus
bonuses
an interesting advertisements
on popular platforms Correct the article-noun agreement
interesting advertisements
an interesting advertisement
such
as Linking Words
instagram
or Change the capitalization
Instagram
tik tok
. Correct your spelling
TikTok
Therefore
, obesity Linking Words
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
on
the world would be decreased as Change preposition
in
sport
Use synonyms
get
viral.
Change the verb form
gets
To conclude
, Linking Words
although
large companies are making the products more dangerous Linking Words
by
extra Change preposition
with
sugar
, that leads to Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
consequenses
with overweight. Correct your spelling
consequences
This
Linking Words
triuble
can be solved by popularised Correct your spelling
trouble
sport
that inspires people to be fit.Use synonyms
Submitted by hhaha9102 on
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language use
Focus on using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your arguments more compelling and nuanced.
supporting points
Elaborate further on your points with additional examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
grammar vocabulary
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be corrected to improve readability.
structure
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The topic is clearly understood, and the response includes relevant ideas to address the issue of obesity.
cohesion
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow for the reader.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.