IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more information about the lives of celebrities is found in newspapers, magazines, and online. Why is this happening? What are the disadvantages for the reading public?

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The increased content featuring the lifestyles of authorities is treated in the
media
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,
such
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 as TV and online news. In my opinion,
this
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 trend is involved in the readership rate of the
media
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, and
this
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 essay will propose potential drawbacks behind
this
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 content. First and foremost,
one
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 compelling reason for
this
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 phenomenon is that by exposing
celebrities
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' lives to individuals,
media
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companies
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 are more likely to increase viewer rates, which are strongly associated with their revenue. To illustrate,
this
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 content is considered attractive by
media
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 businesses to capture
attention
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the attention
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from
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of
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 the public.
Moreover
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, a high readership rate is essential to maintain their businesses since they are mainly funded by advertising fees from prestigious
companies
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.
Hence
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, if large
companies
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 realize a decrease in the rate, they may suspend their advertising, leading to risks to their operations. Namely, offering news coverage regarding
celebrities
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 can contribute to their operations. Despite the benefits for the industry,
one
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 grave concern related to the public is that the exposure may have detrimental impacts on individuals academically, especially impressionable young generations.
For example
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,
celebrities
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 tend to wear gorgeous clothing and lead an overwhelming lifestyle compared to ordinary families, which may create a strong desire to replicate
such
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 lifestyles among young people.
Hence
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, some of them might prioritize
endeavors
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endeavours
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 to become famous figures over academic study, which can undermine
overall
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 educational achievements in nations. All in all,
this
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 tendency has the potential to dilute the importance of academic outcomes among young students. In conclusion,
while
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one
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 of the major reasons for the increased news regarding
celebrities
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 is brought about by the intention of
media
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companies
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 to increase viewers and their revenue,
one
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 potential drawback is that
this
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 trend may erode the significance of study among young people and distort young people's minds.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to provide more detailed and specific examples that support your points. The examples provided are relevant, but lack specific details or data.
task achievement
Although your ideas are fairly clear, try to ensure every point is comprehensively explained and linked to the overall topic. This will help in achieving a clearer and more comprehensive set of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear, logical structure throughout the essay. Your paragraphs are well-organized, but the transitions between some of your ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion. Try to make your main points clearer and reinforce them in the conclusion for greater impact.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, explaining the reasons for the increased focus on celebrities and discussing the potential disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a solid structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points in each paragraph are relevant to the topic and supported by explanations.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity culture
  • societal values
  • social media
  • voyeurism
  • sensationalism
  • readership
  • paparazzi
  • invasion of privacy
  • commercial gain
  • pressing topics
  • informed citizenry
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • low self-esteem
  • misinformation
  • unrealistic expectations
  • manipulated portrayals
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