IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some cities have few controls over design and construction on housing and office building. People think that they are free to choose the design they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#cities #controls #design #construction #office #people
Some
cities
 have very little
control
 over the
design
 and
construction
 of houses and
offices
. I think it is a good thing because of
this
people
 can make the type of office or the house happily without anyone's interruption.we will discuss how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Although
 there are a lot of disadvantages to having the
control
 of
design
 and
construction
 of
people
's houses and
offices
 still there are a few advantages.The advantage of having
control
 is that there will be the same structure of
offices
 and
homes
 of local
people
.
For example
,
people
 who live in southern Greece have
same-looking
Correct article usage
the same-looking
show examples
homes
 and
offices
this
 is because the government that runs those
cities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
control
 over the
design
 and
construction
 of
homes
 and
offices
. The disadvantage will be that
people
 will lose interest in making their own
homes
 and
offices
 the consequences of
this
 will be that
People
 will not be completely satisfied with their
homes
 and
offices
Fix the agreement mistake
office
show examples
 designs and they will not invest their money in those
cities
.
For instance
, the
People
 of Rome do not take an interest in making their
homes
 and
offices
 in the main city because they are not flexible with
design
 and
construction
 work what they do is that when they are interested in building something.they avoid investing their money in constructing something
that is
 not
according to
 them. In conclusion, we can say that if
people
 do not take an interest in investing their money in the
cities
 how the
cities
 will run properly on
this
 basis we can say that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by Saad Kamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen your main arguments with more relevant and varied examples. Currently, the examples provided are somewhat vague and repetitive. Specific details and a broader range of support will enhance the readers' understanding.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main point. This will make your essay easier to follow and more comprehensive. Avoid mixing multiple ideas within a single paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by using connecting words and phrases more effectively. This will help create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
When writing the introduction and conclusion, ensure that your thesis statement and concluding remarks clearly summarize your main points. This will help frame your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You attempted to provide examples to support your arguments, which is important for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: