IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You eat at the cafeteria of your workplace every day. You have been talking with some of your colleagues about the quality of the food and its nutritious level. Write a letter to the cafeteria manager. In your letter: · explain what you like about the cafeteria · say what you think should improve · suggest how it could be improved

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing with regards to the good things in the cafeteria
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 but not limited to the cooking quality and the atmosphere. All the dishes are very delicious , and the view you built is stunning.
Furthermore
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, the kids zone is very great idea for families to get relief when they eat their food. I would recommend you to improve the food menu by adding a section for nutrition dishes for healthy people so they can choose the best order that suits their calorie needs they want to consume during the day.
Moreover
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, I suggest creating an open-air area, which will make customers happier.
Finally
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, I recommend you to use outsourcing, and ask consulting cuisine experts to check the
foodstuff
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food
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 menu and consult experienced chefs to add less calorie food dishes to the menu,
this
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 will boost your sales and attract customers to your cafeteria.
Also
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, adding new kids' games will make it more attractive for kids. Yours faithfully, Mr. Ahmed Alostaaz

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writing
The letter has good points but some lines are long. break ideas into short, clear sentences.
structure
Use a clear plan: say thanks and praise, then show what to change, then say how to act.
cohesion
Try to keep one idea in each paragraph for easy read.
tone
Polite form and clear closing.
greeting
Starts with Dear Sir/Madam and ends with Yours faithfully.
content
Gives both good parts and ideas to change.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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