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Band 6.5

Communication technologies, such as smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, have experienced rapid developments. Some people think the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, there has been unprecedented
development
 and innovation in
communication
technologies
, including smartphones, tablets and other mobile devices.
Although
 some people think that the disadvantages of these advances outweigh the advantages, I believe that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
Communication
technology
 has revolutionized
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
connectivity and accessibility. Smartphones,
for example
, enable individuals to stay in touch with friends, family, and colleagues regardless of geographic boundaries.
This
 enhanced connectivity facilitates global collaboration, facilitates real-time information sharing, and strengthens human relationships.
In
addition
,
communication
technologies
 democratize access to information and services, enabling individuals to participate in online learning, access basic resources, and participate in the digital economy.
In
addition
, the rapid
development
 of
communication
technology
 has changed every aspect of daily life. Mobile devices have become an indispensable tool in education, providing interactive learning experiences, access to educational resources and opportunities for personalized learning. In the business sector,
communication
technologies
 facilitate remote working, simplify operations, and expand market reach through e-commerce and mobile marketing channels.
In
addition
, the healthcare sector has
also
 benefited from telemedicine services, enabling remote consultation, monitoring and healthcare services.
While
 there are concerns about the negative effects of
communication
technologies
,
such
 as addiction, privacy concerns, and social isolation, these issues can be addressed through positive measures. Education and digital literacy programs can raise awareness about the responsible use of
technology
 and empower individuals to effectively manage their screen time.
In
addition
, policymakers can enact regulations to protect privacy rights, promote cybersecurity, and mitigate the negative social consequences of
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
show examples
 of
technology
. In short, the rapid
development
 of
communication
technologies
 has brought about changes, enhanced connectivity, promoted innovation, and driven socio-economic
development
.
While
 acknowledging potential downsides, I firmly believe that the benefits of these advances far outweigh any downsides. By using communications
technology
 responsibly and addressing its challenges through education and regulation, we can maximize its positive impact on society.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more specific examples to illustrate your points, particularly in the sections dealing with education and healthcare. For instance, mention specific apps or platforms that have transformed these fields.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your conclusion to ensure it effectively summarizes your points. Although it is concise, adding a brief recap of the main advantages could enhance its impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, facilitating easy understanding of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introductory and concluding paragraphs are strong, directly addressing the essay prompt and providing a clear stance on the matter.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt and presented a comprehensive argument. Your main points are clear and their significance is well explained.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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