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Band 6.5

Some people think that money is the best gift to give to young people while others think other types of gifts are better for young people.

#people #money #gift #gifts
In contemporary society, many
people
 believe that
money
 is the best gift to give to young
people
while
 others think other types of
gifts
 are better for them. Young
people
 today often have the habit of giving and receiving
gifts
, so there are two conflicting opinions.
This
 essay will analyze both of these issues before coming to a conclusion. First of all,
money
 may be a good gift for many young
people
 because they will be able to buy something they want with
money
 and we will not need to think so much about what
gifts
 to give. But young
people
 today are often given
money
 by their parents for daily living so they cannot they cannot understand the difficulty of making
money
 and if we give them
money
, they will easily get caught up in bad habits outside of society.
Besides
, many
people
 believe that other types of
gifts
 are better for them, I agree with
this
 opinion. The
gifts
 that we prepare and make ourselves will be the best
gifts
 for them and will surprise them with that
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, helping them be happier when they see it and they will
also
 appreciate it more than we give them
money
. So the
gifts
 we prepare will be special
gifts
 for young
people
 because they have very high material value
as well as
 spiritual value. In conclusion,
money
 can be a suitable gift in some cases, but the
gifts
 we prepare ourselves are more meaningful and wonderful for young
people
. So avoid giving
money
 except in the most difficult situations.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This can bolster your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to ensure smoother flow between your ideas. This can enhance the overall readability and coherence of your essay.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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