IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no doubt that
people
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 encounter different
situations
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 in their
lives
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that individuals should try to improve these
situations
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,
such
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 as job dissatisfaction or lack of money, there is
also
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 an opposing argument that it is better to accept them.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide my opinion.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 may find that accepting a bad situation is best because some of them experience various
situations
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 in their
lives
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 that do not allow them to
change
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.
In other words
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,
people
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 who are diagnosed with chronic diseases
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may not be able to treat their condition, so they have to cope with it.
Moreover
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, some individuals have a fear of
change
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, so resist the
change
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, preferring to stay in these
situations
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.
For example
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, an Australian study revealed that 40% of
people
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 who are dissatisfied with their jobs do not leave their jobs
due to
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 their concern
of
Change preposition
about
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 changes.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 believe that trying to improve these
situations
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 can open the opportunity to find
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 life situation,
such
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 as quitting a job to open your own business, eating well to mitigate chronic disease conditions, or finding
other job
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another job
other jobs
show examples
 with more recognition jobs.
Furthermore
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, the acceptance of bad
situations
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 might result in psychological issues, affecting different aspects of
people
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’s
lives
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.
For instance
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, a BBC documentary about mental health issues pointed out that individuals who do not take steps to improve their
lives
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 are at a higher risk of being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question.
However
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, on balance, I tend to believe that
people
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 should take different actions in order to improve their
lives
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, because improvement will not happen ,and may the situation become worse if we do not try to
change
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The essay does a good job in addressing both perspectives of the argument, providing a balanced discussion. To enhance your task response, further elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are clear and coherent throughout the essay. To improve cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking phrases to make the transition between ideas even smoother.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, summarizing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to illustrate the main points, which helps to support your arguments well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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