More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?
Nowadays, some individuals are buying vehicles for the first time in developed nations. It is obvious that it will increase
air
pollution and traffic jams. It is better to execute some civilization projects, such
as underground trains. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on the issues and discuss how we can solve them.
Firstly
, if we allow people to buy new cars, it will decrease air
quality. In other words
, private transportation systems will increase air
pollution in terms of huge amounts of vehicles. Secondly
, it is clear that
it will enhance traffic jams, since drivers tend to use their own cars in terms of convenience. So, it would be frustrating for residents. For example
, in the USA, most parents prefer to pick up their children by
their automobiles, as it would be more comfortable and faster than other options.
Change preposition
in
On the other hand
, we have to focus on public transportation, such
as metro or electric buses. It is vital to improve this
system practically by financial investment. Also
, it is necessary to fulfil projects which can be able to enhance air
indexes. Moreover
, it is crucial to teach people how they will be able to reach their destinations through a self-transportation system. For instance
, in India, most students would like to use the subway due to
promotions that have been announced by the government.
In conclusion, it is essential to concentrate on the development of public transportation, such
as buses or metro, by investment. Also
, it would be profitable if we decreased the number of cars due to
air
-quality management, and traffic monitoring.Submitted by ali.pazoki72 on
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task achievement
While your task response is adequate and addresses the topic, try to further develop and elaborate on your main points and ideas. This will add depth and enhance the overall response.
task achievement
Ensure all your examples are directly relevant to the points you are making. The example about the USA could be more closely tied to traffic jam issues.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your ideas and paragraphs flow more coherently. Use transitional phrases to link points and create a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the problem and possible solution, setting a clear framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reiterates the importance of investing in public transportation.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the USA and India, to support your points which adds to the essay's relevance and detail.