IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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During the past few decades, we have been witnessing that some people including even scientists are engaging in many preservation activities on endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 who are living in different places in the world.
While
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 some people have critics of these programs as they consume money, others praise the actions taken to rescue the creatures from extinction. I
also
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 strongly believe that the
animals
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 who contribute to keeping the diversity of natural habitats must be preserved in terms of their role in maintaining the balanced ecosystem or their contribution to a sustained food chain and, reproducing is devoted to keeping the diversity.
Firstly
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, the need for a balanced ecosystem is vital for all the
animals
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 including ourselves to survive in
this
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 world because it acts as an interdepending process.
This
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 nature is closely related to the food chain of which we all are a part.
For instance
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, as vegetarians become food for predators, the existence of vegetarians is solidly related to the survival of their hunters who are living with them in the same habitats.
Secondly
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, the reproducing process coming with living things entirely depends on the availability of two opposite mates. If either male or female is missing in their habitats, reproduction is not possible to be taken place. As an example, a white rhino who is living in some parts of Africa has no females to mate with.
As a result
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 of that their existence has been challenged. In conclusion, even though some people criticize the programs that deal with rescue missions of endangered
animals
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, based on the cost that can be used for more many meaningful things like health and education, some others including myself argue that preservation activities must take place in terms of the facts as described in the above two paragraphs

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task response
You have responded well to the task by presenting both sides of the argument and stating your own opinion clearly. However, some of your points could be further developed to add more depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Nevertheless, some of your main points could be better supported with more specific examples and further elaboration.
coherence and cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly impede the flow of your essay. Consider revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
task response
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and dynamically.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set the stage and wrap up your argument, providing a clear stance on the issue.
logical structure
You present a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument before stating your own perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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